Attack of the Rolling Cheese
by Cheese Girl
Summary: This is really more of a cross-over fic, but I put it here. Some of these aren't even books. When Merry and Pippin create a giant cheesewheel, it transports Legolas to our world. Who knows where this will lead? (Even I'm not too sure!)
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own the Lord of the Rings or anything to do with them. Wish I did though...  
CHEESE CONTEST  
  
Create a new variety of cheese and submit it at the below date in Hobbiton Sqaure. The submission must be an entire cheese wheel. The Grand Prize is an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet at the Green Dragon for two each evening for an entire year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"What's this all about?" Sam asked.  
  
"We entered this contest," Pippin explained, "and as it's due soon, we figured we'd work on it."  
  
"Fine, just don't cause any trouble."  
  
"Of course not, Grandpa Samwise," Merry replied impishly, causing Sam to scowl on the way out. "Now that he's gone, let's try our latest sample." He pulled out a large cheese wheel and cut it open.  
  
"Tastes too much like cheddar. You know what this needs?" Pippin suddenly had an idea. "A kick of spice!"  
  
"Yeah! But how are we going to do that?" For a few minutes they were both stumped.  
  
"I've got it!" Merry cried. "Fireworks!"  
  
"And not just any fireworks..." added Pippin, realizing his cousin had had a brilliant stroke. 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 "Gandalf!" the two youngest hobbits in Imladris greeted the old Istari in unison.  
  
"Gandalf," Pippin started again.  
  
"Pip, let me handle this," Merry whispered to the young Took. "Gandalf," he said louder so that the intrigued wizard could hear him, "we were just talking about the last time we had seen Bilbo, at his Birthday Party, and we remembered your wonderful fireworks! We bet there's no one in all of Middle-Earth that can make fireworks as good as you! So we were wondering if we could borrow some to set off in celebration of Frodo's recent recovery, you know, to sort of lift his spirits to keep him going?" Both of them looked at the ancient one with their most innocent looks, which weren't very convincing if you knew them at all.  
  
Mithrandir bristled his eyebrows at them. "No, you may not 'borrow' any, because the last time you 'borrowed' one of my fireworks, you had half the Shire believing they were being attacked by Smaug incarnate. Thank you for the compliments, however." And with that he walked away.  
  
Pippin rounded on Merry. "Leave it all to you, eh? You shouldn't have said anything about the Party! That's what he was talking about! Now what are we going to do?"  
  
"I would think that would be obvious. We'll just have to 'borrow' one our selves."  
  
"Good thinking, but where does he keep them, Mr. Genius?"  
  
It ended up taking the rest of the day and all of the rest to search every place in the elven paradise they could get in to without answering awkward questions. In the end, they bribed Glorfindel into revealing the location.  
  
"Finally!"  
  
They both gasped at the number of fireworks hoarded there. They were of every size, shape, and color imaginable, and more besides.  
  
"Which one should we use?" asked Merry nervously. He was afraid the wizard would walk in and turn them into something unnatural.  
  
"The biggest one, of course!" replied Pippin excitedly.  
  
They quickly found the biggest, brightest, and most unusually shaped firework there. The two of them could barely lift it; it was so huge. They carried it out of the room as quickly and quietly as they could back to where they had been making their cheeses. They ground it up, mixed it in, and ate everything they could find while it baked.  
  
"Finally, it's done!" Merry gasped at the size of it. "Why, it's taller than Strider!" He reached out to touch it.  
  
"No! Don't touch it till it's cooled!" Pippin exclaimed, afraid his cousin might damage the beautiful cheese.  
  
"Well what are we going to do while we're waiting?" barked Merry, impatient to try their concoction.  
  
"I heard there's a secret council being held today. Let's go figure out what it's all about."  
  
So the hobbits ran off to spy on the council, thinking the cheese would be safe until they returned. But the cheesewheel had other plans.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****************  
  
The prince of Mirkwood was becoming bored with all this talk of things everyone present except the hobbits and men (excluding Aragorn) already knew. The decision of the council wasn't really what to do with the One Ring; anyone with any sense at all could see that it must be sent to Mt. Doom to be destroyed. The real question was who was going to do it, and Legolas wanted that decided soon.  
  
Suddenly a dwarf ran forward and struck the Ring with his war axe, causing the blade to shatter, and the stupid midget to land on his butt. The blonde elf had to bite back a laugh. The idiot of a munchkin! Hadn't the prince once heard that dwarves had brains the size of someone's finger?  
  
"The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Glóin, by any craft we here possess," Lord Elrond was saying in response to the dwarf's ignorant action. Really, thought Legolas, Elrond has to stop moving his eyebrows like that. It makes him seem like that Smith guy from the story Mithrandir once told me, the Matrix. Maybe I should call him Smilrond! The blonde elf chuckled, causing the Imladris elf seated next to him to look at him disapprovingly. he abruptly turned back to the matter at hand.  
  
"One of you must do this," the eyebrow-obsessed elf was now saying. The Council was silent for a few seconds, before a smelly man from Gondor said something about the dangers of marching into Mordor, but Legolas wasn't listening. The elf was thinking whether he should volunteer to go with whoever would bear the Ring. He certainly would not want to bear it. He was just wondering who here would be willing to take on that task when he saw something large and yellow rolling straight towards the One Ring! Thinking it to be an instrument of the Enemy, he immediately jumped between the two and whipped out his knives. The hobbit Frodo ran forward to get the Ring to safety, screaming. Legolas stood his ground as the thing rammed into him. Instead of feeling pain, he felt as if he were...floating? 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
It seemed to be a fairly normal day. Or maybe normal wasn't exactly the word. You couldn't exactly call anyone in South Fayette High School normal. But it did seem to be pretty much the same as every other day, despite the fact that there were only a few days left in the school year.  
  
Liz and Jessi were complaining about Andy's voice. Andy and Adrienne had no idea what they were talking about, considering the fact that they currently thought that Andy was Professor Dumbledore and Adrienne was Harry Potter. Stephanie was sitting at Jill's table for the day, and "Harry" was talking animatedly to the chair where she or Jill usually sat, but today "Our Imaginary Friend Orlando" was, currently "Professor Greenleaf," the archery teacher who was really an elf from Middle-Earth.  
  
Half-way through lunch, something happened that made the day not so usual. "Harry" was just finishing asking "Professor Greenleaf" when the next archery class would be when it happened: Legolas Greenleaf, best archer in Middle-Earth and Prince of Mirkwood, was sitting there.  
  
Adrienne turned to Andy. "Did my imagination just get a lot more vivid, or is that really Legolas?"  
  
Andy looked shaken. It seemed as if he had forgotten how to speak.  
  
"Of course I am Legolas," remarked the elf, puzzled. "But you do not seem like a servant of the Enemy. Tell me, who and what are you?"  
  
"I...I am Adrienne, and I'm human."  
  
"Really?" said Legolas with a smile. "You do not smell like one. My friend Strider usually stinks."  
  
"Well, I don't live in the wild like him!"  
  
Legolas was shocked. "You know about Estel as well? How do you know about us?"  
  
"You're very famous here. I know all about you, and Aragorn, and 'Ro and 'Dan, and Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, Boromir, Sauron, and everyone else in Middle-Earth."  
  
"That's strange. But tell me, who are Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Boromir?"  
  
"Oh! You don't know them yet? What's going in Middle-Earth?"  
  
"Well, apparently Frodo is the bearer of the Ring, and we were in a council held by Elrond and just deciding who should take the Ring to destroy it."  
  
"Okay. Now I know what's happened in Middle-Earth and what hasn't yet."  
  
"You can tell the future?"  
  
"It's well known in our world what happens in yours for the next couple years."  
  
"That's amazing! Tell me the future!"  
  
"A fellow—" Adrienne cut herself off. She wasn't sure if she should reveal the future to the elf. Telling him could save a lot of anguish, but certain things might not happen and things that shouldn't might. "I don't think I should."  
  
"Why not?" he queried, disappointed.  
  
"You might try to change something, causing the outcome to also be changed. And that could be disastrous. But then again..." and here she hesitated, "if I don't tell you something I was supposed to, the outcome might be different. But," and now she was confident she had it, "due to the time- space continuum, the result and how you get there will always be the same!" She laughed in relief.  
  
"So does that mean you'll tell me?" the elf asked excitedly.  
  
"No!" she replied, still laughing. "It's more interesting without you knowing. Oh my god!" It finally sunk in that she was sitting there, flirting with the Prince of Mirkwood.  
  
By now Jessi and Liz had come back from the lunch line. "Oh my god!" said Liz at the same moment. "What, did Jill get plastic surgery or something?"  
  
Andy finally got his voice back. "No, this is Legolas."  
  
"Are you doing your stupid worlds?" Jessi yelled angrily. "Don't drag us into it!"  
  
"No!" Andy yelled back. "This is Legolas! I'm Andy! That's Adrienne!" he explained, pointing to each in turn.  
  
"What's going on?" the alarmed elf whispered to Adrienne.  
  
"In our world," the girl whispered back, "it is generally accepted that Middle-Earth and all who live there are fictional."  
  
"What are these 'worlds' that that girl was talking about?"  
  
"Oh, that." Now the girl was really embarrassed. "Sometimes we pretend we're people in your world, and Jill is always you."  
  
The elf laughed. "When the twins and I were younger, we would pretend we were characters from a story Gandalf used to tell us, the Matrix."  
  
"Jill and I love the Matrix, too. Oh!" She finally remembered Jill and Stephanie. "I'm being so selfish." She turned to a highly confused Jessi. "Jess, go get Stephi and Jill from Jill's table."  
  
"No!" Liz commanded. "Tedder Cheddar's not going to talk to the freaks!"  
  
"Fine. Andy, Legolas, let's go over there." The three went over there and elicited strange looks when people saw the "new kid" in an elf costume.  
  
"Oh my god!!!" Katie, Stephi, and Jill all yelled at the same time, though their reactions were quite different.  
  
Stephi and Jill just sat there in disbelief, but the pitiful one did something totally unexpected. She grabbed the closest weapon-like thing she could find, a plastic spoon, and attacked the visitor from another world with it, viciously screaming, "Die already! Die, die!"  
  
The elf thought that this girl had mental instabilities. "Is this girl insane?" he asked seriously.  
  
"No," Andy replied, wondering at Katie's behavior.  
  
"Then why is she attacking me with a plastic spoon?" (Note: No, I don't quite know how Legolas would know it's plastic, just work with me here.)  
  
"It's a long story," Adrienne gasped, trying to restrain Katie. "It has to do with a story I once wrote about you."  
  
Jill finally snapped out of her shock. "Katie!" she growled, leaping forward and punching her. Katie stopped trying to stab the elf with the plastic spoon. "I'm sorry about that, Orlando."  
  
"Why are you calling me Orlando?" asked the confused elf. He seemed to be confused a lot today.  
  
It seemed as if Jill had gone back into shock. She slowly turned to Adrienne, who nodded her confirmation of what she knew her friend was thinking. "Oh my god!!! You're really Legolas?!?"  
  
"Yes. At least I think I am. Things are very odd today."  
  
"I'm sure you're Legolas. Don't worry about that," Adrienne said, looking admiringly at the elf, who was definitely the hottest person she had ever met.  
  
"Adrienne," Stephanie said, rushing forward, "how did he get here?" She wanted to know if he was leaving soon or not.  
  
"I don't really know. He just sort of...materialized in front of me," she replied, never once taking her eyes off his face. "How did you get here?"  
  
"I don't exactly know," the elf replied, furrowing his brow.  
  
"Just tell us what happened," said Jill.  
  
"Well, we were in a Council held by Elrond..." 


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 "Legolas!" Aragorn screamed as his best friend disappeared underneath the cheesewheel. The thing was so massive, it could possibly crush the elf to death. Strider leapt forward, Anduril flashing in the sunlight, not only to try and save his friend, but also because Frodo was in the direct path of the cheese.  
  
Elrond leapt to his feet. "Estel!" he yelled at his foster son. "Watch out!"  
  
But there was no reason for the Lord of Imladris to yell a warning. Not only did the human have the cat-like reflexes of the elves, but at the moment it hit Legolas, it made a sharp right turn. It hit the chair where Aragorn had been sitting and rolled in the opposite direction, hitting the chair where the missing elf had sat, and continually bounced between the two.  
  
Suddenly, Merry and Pippin ran in screaming, "Don't hurt our cheese!"  
  
"Your cheese?" spat Strider, rounding on them. "Your cheese just ran over the Prince of Mirkwood!"  
  
"I don't think so. I don't see any elves sprawled on the ground anywhere," pointed out Pippin, trying to give the false impression that he was a sensible hobbit, if such a thing exists.  
  
Gandalf thought he understood something. "Peregrin Took? Meriadoc Brandybuck?" he asked in an all-together too gentle voice. "DID YOU PUT ONE OF MY FIREWORKS IN YOUR CHEESE?" he shouted that those in Valinor could have heard him.  
  
"We just wanted to make it spicy, answered Merry in a small voice.  
  
"You didn't take the one in the green box, did you?" said Elrond, his eyebrows raised.  
  
"Since it was the biggest, we figured it would be the most flavorful," Pippin replied, frightened of what the combined efforts of the elf-lord and Istari could do to him.  
  
"Fool of a Took," the aged wizard muttered.  
  
"Could someone please explain what's going on here?" Aragorn yelled, worried for his friend's safety.  
  
"That firework's formula," Elrond said quietly, "was created by my friend Mr. Andersen so that we could cross the world gap to visit with each other."  
  
Aragorn got angry. "That's not funny! Legolas could be in danger, and you try to tell me that Neo Andersen is real and you've met him?!?"  
  
"Estel, the Matrix isn't just a story Mithrandir made up. It's true. I've been there. When you set off that firework, a portal opens to that world. But ground up, mixed with cheese ingredients, and baked," here he glared at the cowering young hobbits, "who knows where Legolas could have ended up." He hung his head in sorrow.  
  
"I'm going in after him," Aragorn declared, making up his mind.  
  
"No Estel!" Elrond commanded the young man. "You have no idea where you may end up."  
  
"That's exactly why I have to go, Ada. Legolas could be in danger, and I have to help him."  
  
Knowing the strong bond between the two, Elrond knew that he could not dissuade Aragorn. "Find," he said, defeated. "Just be careful, okay?"  
  
"I will, Ada."  
  
Gandalf had known that someone would have to go after the prince, and now that it had been decided, he took charge of the situation. "Right then. Everyone, get out of this area and move the chairs in a tight circle. You saw how this thing moved erratically when it hit Legolas."  
  
The dwarves didn't like being bossed around, but when Gandalf bristled his eyebrows at their leader, Glóin, and threatened to hand them over to Thranduil, they all heeded him.  
  
While they were setting up, Elrond pulled Aragorn aside. "Listen, Estel. There's someone in the Matrix who looks a lot like me. Don't trust him, whatever you do."  
  
"Ada, I think I could tell if it was you or not."  
  
"You don't understand. He looks exactly like me, except his ears aren't pointy, he has short hair, and he wears a suit. He took my form after he saw how close I was to Neo." Aragorn opened his mouth to say something, but the elf-lord help up a hand to stop him. "I don't want you getting close enough to see such miniscule details as pointy ears. So I'm definitely not going in."  
  
"Ada, I'll be fine," the man said, turning away.  
  
"Estel, look at me." Aragorn reluctantly turned back. "Don't even get within arm's length of Smith."  
  
"Smith? But...but Smith can turn other people into himself, and Legolas..." Aragorn didn't want to think of the possibility that his best friend was now a Smith.  
  
"I know, Estel. Just find him and keep yourselves out of trouble until we can figure out how to get the two of you back."  
  
"But..." Aragorn was still concerned.  
  
"Aragorn, relax. You need to keep your mind on finding Legolas. Besides, we don't even know if it's going to take you to the Matrix. I'm just warning you in case it does."  
  
"Aragorn," Gandalf called over, "we're ready."  
  
Aragorn walked over and leaped into the ring of chairs where the cheese was rolling. "I'll be back soon," he said before the cheese hit him.  
  
As Estel was transported into another world, Elrond thought to him, "Be safe, ion nin." 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 "Well, it definitely had something to do with the large, yellow object," Adrienne declared after Legolas had finished his tale. They had decided to skip seventh period, even though Jill and Adrienne seemed rather eager to swim with their favorite elf. They all privately felt it was too good to be true and was a dream so they wouldn't really be in trouble.  
  
"Yes, it did," said a familiar voice behind them.  
  
"Aragorn!" cried Legolas, happy to see his best friend.  
  
Adrienne whirled around. Confirming it was the Ranger, she promptly fainted.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****************  
  
"Adrienne. Adrienne. *Here my voice,* said a voice she recognized immediately. This must be a dream, she thought sleepily.  
  
"Um, Mr. Aragorn, sir?" put in Andy's voice. "I don't really think that it's that serious. She just had her biggest dream come true."  
  
Everything came back to her now, and she was enraged at what her friend had said. She opened her eyes, judged the distance, and knocked him to the ground with a single, well-aimed kick. She was rather pleased that she didn't even have to remove her head from its comfortable position in Aragorn's lap.  
  
"Nice reflexes!" exclaimed Legolas with a laugh, eyeing Adrienne speculatively. "Maybe I could train her so that she has better skills than even our newly-arrived friend here." The elf's eyes danced with mischief as his human friend muttered a curse under his breath, then looked apologetically at the girls present.  
  
"It's okay," said Jill hurriedly. "In our culture, swearing is much more common than in yours, both male and female."  
  
"Oh," said Legolas curiously. "Anyway, let's get back to the task at hand. Estel, you were just saying that our appearances here did have something to do with that thing when Adrienne left us, probably from that dreadful odor that permeates from your being."  
  
"You try hiding in the forest from Nazgûl without breaking a sweat!" he yelled heatedly, painfully remembering that horrid time.  
  
"Sorry, mellon nin," the elf apologized, sensing his friend's pain. "But you did have a few days at Rivendell to cleanse yourself," he added. "And elves don't sweat."  
  
"What does 'mellon nin' mean?" asked Andy.  
  
"'My friend,' you nit!" replied Adrienne.  
  
"You speak elvish?" the pair said in the same breath.  
  
"Just a few simple phrases," admitted Adrienne, blushing furiously.  
  
"Wow!" exclaimed Aragorn in surprise. "That's weird! Anyway, I was talking about how we got here. Apparently, Merry and Pippin, the younger hobbits I rescued, took it into their heads to put one of Mithrandir's—"  
  
"Who's?" interrupted Andy.  
  
"Gandalf's!" yelled Adrienne. "Now stop interrupting!"  
  
"As I was saying," continued Aragorn, slightly startled at her outburst, "they decided to grind up one of his fireworks and bake it into their cheese."  
  
"Why would they do that?" asked Stephanie cluelessly.  
  
"They said they 'wanted to make it spicy'," Aragorn replied, scowling. "Anyway, and here's the weird part, Ada—"  
  
"Who?" asked Andy once again.  
  
"Elrond," replied Jill.  
  
"Oh, Smilrond!" laughed Andy.  
  
"Smilrond?" repeated Aragorn, puzzled.  
  
"You know, Estel," prompted Legolas, grinning broadly, "Elrond does the eyebrows, like that guy, Smith, from the—"  
  
"Matrix!" finished the Ranger. He suddenly remembered the conversation with the elf-lord in question. "Legolas, can these people be trusted?" he questioned, his hand going to the hilt of Anduril.  
  
"I...I think so." The elf was confused by his friend, who was now unsheathing the sword reforged.  
  
"We need to find out exactly what world we're in," explained Aragorn. "Tell me," he turned to the others, "what exactly do you know about Agent Smith?"  
  
"Um...well...he's this weird FBI agent thing that works for the machines and chases Neo in the movie, The Matrix," said Jill hurriedly, having seen what Aragorn could do with a sword.  
  
"What's a movie?" asked Aragorn, caught off guard.  
  
"It's a series of pictures projected on a screen in rapid succession with objects shown in successive positions slightly changed so as to produce the optical effect of a continuous picture in which objects move," explained a random passing Kaiting.  
  
After having glared at the hunny-pot-making-one, Stephanie continued, "Actually, you're in one."  
  
"Ai!" exclaimed Legolas, not having understood the words of Kaiting, but getting what Stephanie said. He turned to Aragorn. "Estel—"  
  
"Who?" asked Andy stupidly.  
  
"Aragorn, now shut-up!" yelled Adrienne once again. Legolas continued his explanation to Aragorn, ignoring the interruption.  
  
"—they think that the Matrix is fictional."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Stephanie said that both us and them were in a 'movie', whatever that is—'  
  
"I told you," put in the once again passing Kaiting, "it's a—"  
  
"Give it a rest!" retorted Jill, growling. The Kaiting scampered off, leaving them in relative peace.  
  
"Anyway," continued the now utterly bewildered elf, "they thought we were fictional, so since we're in a 'movie' and so are Neo, Smith, and the rest, they must also think the Matrix is fictional."  
  
"That's pretty much how it is," confirmed Adrienne, silencing Andy with a look; he had opened his mouth to argue, and she didn't want  
  
Anduril sticking out of her back.  
  
"Oh, good," said Aragorn. "I won't have to kill you all then."  
  
"Why did you want to?" asked Stephanie. She had started looking for something in her locker when Aragorn had first unsheathed his sword, and still hadn't found it. Everyone present under the age of 21 had a suspicion that she was looking for a very Silk-like object. Sure enough, when she stood up, she was clutching a long, sharp knife.  
  
Andy started to slowly back away, Jill smiled broadly, Legolas exchanged a nervous look with Aragorn before drawing his twin knives, and Adrienne muttered a single word: "Silk!"  
  
"One does one's best!" said Stephanie. "Don't worry," she added, noting the looks on their faces, "I'm not going to use this on any of you. At least not now that I know that you're not going to hurt us, Aragorn."  
  
"Silk?" said Legolas quizzically.  
  
At that moment, a random passing Mr. Abdulovic appeared. "No knives in school!" he said robotically. He then tried to take Stephanie's knife away from her, since the other knife-holding people were oddly-dressed, younger than him (so he thought), and very strong-looking. This turned deadly.  
  
"You should never disarm a lady, unless you are in a throne room!" exclaimed Legolas, thrusting his twin fighting knives through the moldy, old man. "Oops. I guess I should have asked if any of you minded if I did that before-hand. Sorry. Do you mind?" he asked with Frodo-eyes.  
  
"Not at all!" exclaimed Jill, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
Then, random middle-schoolers popped out of all the lockers in the hall (except none were in a couple near Stephanie's) and burst out in song:  
  
"Ding Dong, the Dean is Dead! Which old dean? The moldy dean.  
  
Ding Dong, the mold dean is dead.  
  
Wake up, you sleepy head, —"  
  
At that point, they saw Jessi down the hall, kicking a sleeping Yater's head in a pitiful excuse to try to wake him up. The song continued:  
  
"Rub your eyes! Get out of bed!  
  
Wake up, the moldy dean is dead!  
  
He's gone where the teachers go, below, below, below, yo ho, let's open up and sing, and ring that school's out.  
  
Ding Dong! The merry-o sing it high, sing it low,  
  
Let them know the moldy dean is dead!"  
  
The song finished, the small ones, led by Joey and Tyler, took a bow, and scattered.  
  
"Oooookaaaaaaaay..." 


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
Gimli approached Elrond. "Master Elf," he began, "I think I have found a flaw in your plan."  
  
"Oh? What is that, Master Dwarf?"  
  
"Now that both the Ranger and the elf are in there, how are you going to get them back out?"  
  
"Don't worry yourself, Master Dwarf. Gandalf and the hobbits are working on that right now," Elrond replied with a pleasant smile, though his mind was occupied with compiling a list of reasons to ban all dwarves from Rivendell.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****************  
  
"Are you sure this is the exact recipe?" questioned Gandalf of the hobbits.  
  
"Of course we're sure!" cried Merry indignantly. "We have it written right here."  
  
Gandalf took the slip of paper offered to him and read aloud:  
  
"'Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain.  
  
Sweet is the sound of the mountain plain.  
  
Better than rain or rippling brook,  
  
Is a mug of beer inside this Took!'  
  
What is this rubbish?" the wizard demanded.  
  
"Sorry, Gandalf. You're looking at the wrong side."  
  
Gandalf flipped the paper over. "Here we are!" He quickly read over the ingredients.  
  
Two Hours Later...  
  
"Okay. Now we just have to get them to hit each other. How are we going to do that?" said a concerned Sam.  
  
"What we need," said Gandalf, eyeing Merry and Pippin speculatively, "is a volunteer."  
  
Luckily for the trouble-makers, Frodo walked in just then. "I'll do it." Strangely, no one heard him. "I will take the cheesewheel to another world."  
  
Gandalf rolled his eyes thinking Idiot, we don't want the Ring to go there! But he just said, "I will help you bear this burden, as long as it is yours to bear." Then, for no reason at all, the crazy dude from Gondor walked in.  
  
"You bear the fate of those people in the cheese, little one. I, too, will help you."  
  
**************************************************************************** ****************  
  
It was all ready. They had it set up so that the new wheel would hit Boromir, turn right, hit Frodo, turn right again, enter the circle of chairs, and hit the other cheesewheel. Before they started, Elrond had a word with Gandalf.  
  
"I think you may be getting senile in your old age, dear friend," he began gently. "WHY IN THE NAME OF EKE ARE YOU SENDING THE RING TO SOME UNKNOWN PLACE?!?" he hissed.  
  
"I am not getting senile, mellon nin. I simply have a brilliant plan."  
  
"Oh? And does that include giving Denethor's son the Ring to use as a 'weapon'?"  
  
"Not exactly. You see, if Frodo loses the Ring in another world, we won't have to worry about it anymore. It will be someone else's problem."  
  
"So you want me to allow you to drop all our worries on Neo?"  
  
"I do not believe that the cheese leads to the Matrix."  
  
"Neither do I, but I do not think it fair to let someone else deal with this terror."  
  
"Mellon nin, this could work for both of us," Gandalf said in a salesman-like voice.  
  
Elrond raised his eyebrows. "How?"  
  
"You don't really want Arwen to marry Aragorn, do you?"  
  
"No, but I don't see how that—"  
  
"If the ring isn't destroyed in our world, Aragorn will have no glory to claim in Gondor. According to your discussion, the only mortal worthy of Arwen is the crowned king of Gondor. If he doesn't become king, they don't get married."  
  
"But what about Saruman the traitor? What will we do about him and Sauron?"  
  
At that point, they were interrupted by an impatient Boromir. "Can we start yet?" he whined.  
  
"Yea, sure, whatever, we'll be there in a minute," said Gandalf with a vague hand gesture.  
  
Boromir turned back to the waiting hobbits. "Okay, let's get started."  
  
They took their places. Just as Elrond realized what was happening, Pippin opened the enchanted box, releasing the cheesewheel, hitting Boromir, then hitting Frodo, emitting a scream from Sam (who had been chained to a wall). Finally, it hit the cheesewheel through the gap Merry had just created, and both cheesewheels vanished. 


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
"So, what do you guys want to do?" asked Katie. She had joined them between classes because she was bored.  
  
"I heard about a look-alike contest for Lord of the Rings up in Niagra Falls," suggested Jill. With a look at the "visitors", she added, "The grand prize is that you get to meet the actors you look like, plus a secret surprise."  
  
"But how will we get there?" queried Adrienne.  
  
"Cappy could drive us!" exclaimed Stephi.  
  
"You want to try to fit 8 people in a Ford Focus?"  
  
"I'll ride on the roof!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" asked Aragorn. "Why don't we just walk?"  
  
"Because it would take about a week to get there," explained Andy. "And I don't think that the contest will wait for us."  
  
Just then, who else should walk by than Cappy herself. At first she just said hi to Stephanie and Adrienne, but then it seemed she got confused.  
  
"Cappy," asked Stephi, "could you drive us up to Niagra Falls after school?"  
  
Cappy still looked a little alarmed. But then she realized that it must just be a dream. She did the Cappy laugh. "Ya, sure, whatever. I can take you now, actually. I had an early dismissal anyway."  
  
So they all snuck out to the back parking lot where the Focus was parked.  
  
Getting everyone into the car was interesting. Cappy got into the driver's seat, of course. Katie and Adrienne crammed into the passenger side. Legolas, Aragorn, and Andy stuffed into the back. But before all that, they used some spare rope to tie Jill and Stephanie to the roof. Then they started off.  
  
"This is the weirdest thing we've ever done, Estel," Legolas said over Andy's head.  
  
"I had noticed that," replied Aragorn faintly.  
  
"What, haven't you ever been in a car before?" asked Cappy quizzically.  
  
"Oh, is that what this is called?"  
  
Cappy started to respond, but Adrienne cut her off saying, "Just drop it."  
  
The trip went along fairly uneventfully until right before the New York state line. At that point, Cappy screamed. She had looked into the rearview mirror and saw a random man, boy, and hobbit sitting on the trunk. These people just so happened to be Boromir, Frodo, and ... Joey? Cappy swerved to the side of the road. Joey fell off and bounced away down the road, but Boromir and Frodo managed to stay on. Cappy stopped the car.  
  
Everybody in the car jumped out, while Stephanie and Jill looked on from the roof.  
  
"I'm confused," said Frodo. "Where are we?"  
  
"In New York," said Katie.  
  
"What in the name of the Valar did Lord Elrond send you for?!?" exploded Aragorn at the Halfling. "You don't have it with you, do you?"  
  
"Of course I do," he said apprehensively.  
  
"What was he thinking?" screamed Aragorn, turning on Boromir.  
  
"Frodo volunteered and both Gandalf and Lord Elrond agreed."  
  
Legolas quickly changed the subject, seeing the looks of intense interest emanating from the teenagers present. (Cappy had run away screaming as soon as the car stopped.) "Did anyone find a way to get us back to Middle-Earth?"  
  
"Yes," answered Frodo. "There should be a cheesewheel around here somewhere."  
  
At this, Adrienne and Katie exchanged a nervous glance. They had only gotten there a few hours ago! They didn't need to leave yet! Plus, Katie thought she saw something large, round, and yellow down the road.  
  
Adrienne had seen it too. "I think it's getting pretty cold out here. Why don't we get in the car to continue this discussion?" And before they knew what was happening, Frodo was being stuffed into the trunk. Boromir got tied to said trunk with some more rope. Everyone else went back to where they were, except, of course, Cappy.  
  
Just then, Katie saw the cheese out of the rearview mirror. "I'm lactose-intolerant!" She slid into the driver's seat and sped away.  
  
"Aren't we supposed to get hit with the cheesewheel?" yelled Boromir through the window.  
  
Before anyone could answer, the cheese in question fell into a river.  
  
"That's okay," screamed Frodo in the trunk. "There's another one somewhere." No one quite understood how he knew what had happened. Katie slowed down.  
  
One hour later...  
  
"Where are all the lights and sounds coming from?" asked Boromir.  
  
"Uh-oh," said Katie, pulling over, "I was wondering when this was going to happen."  
  
The policeman pulled up behind them and walked to the driver's side of the Focus. Katie rolled down the window and said, "What seems to be the problem, officer?"  
  
"It seems that you have two people tied to the roof and one to the trunk."  
  
"Oh!" said Adrienne quickly, "they're not people...they're...ventriloquist dummies! We have a gig in Niagra Falls tonight. We're ventriloquists," she added unnecessarily.  
  
"I love ventriloquist acts!" said the officer. "Can I see a preview?"  
  
"Uh...sure...right." Adrienne hoped Jill or Stephanie would say something. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Jill had the "sense" to say something.  
  
"Lay off on the doughnuts, fatso."  
  
"I'll still need to see your driver's license," said the officer, suddenly stern.  
  
"Run!" screamed Stephanie, cutting Jill and herself free. Katie popped the trunk, sending Boromir flying onto the windshield while Frodo scrambled out. Andy shoved Aragorn and Legolas out of the car. All of them ran as fast as they could to the nearest...horse field?  
  
Note: Don't even ask. I probably couldn't explain it anyway.  
  
Luckily, all but 1 of the horses were saddled. "I'll ride the one that's not tacked up!" yelled Legolas. (Duh, he is the elf here.)  
  
Legolas jumped onto the horse he had claimed, but held back to make sure the others made it. Katie mounted one and rode north without a second glance. Everyone else reached the horses and hopped on, Aragorn grabbing Frodo to ride with him.  
  
"Ride!" screamed Stephanie. Legolas started his horse off at a gallop and the others followed.  
  
Not surprisingly, Andy promptly fell off. He tried to remount, but had difficulties. "We don't have time for this!" exclaimed Boromir in anguish. He rode back and yanked Andy on to his own hose. He then quickly dashed after everyone else.  
  
This whole time, the fat cop had been chasing them on foot, too stupid to go back to his squad car.  
  
"Do you think Cappy will be mad we left her Focus in the middle of nowhere?"  
  
"Uh, yeah!" 


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
After following the highway for a while, they had finally reached the border.  
  
"I don't think they're going to let us across the border with the weapons," Andy called out. They all slowed to a stop.  
  
"Well, I'm guessing you guys don't want to leave your weapons behind," said Stephanie, "so we'll just have to sneak into Canada!"  
  
"Stupid Silk!" said Adrienne.  
  
"What is with this 'Silk' thing?" yelled Aragorn.  
  
Stephanie launched into useless-facts-mode. "Silk is a small, rat- faced Drasnian prince. He is an 'evil man'. He regularly lies, cheats, steals, gambles, and gets drunk. He is the cousin of the current king of Drasnia, making him next in line. His half-brother happens to be half- Alorn, half-Murgo, as well as the king of the Murgos, though he hates Murgos. Murgos and Alrons have been enemies for as long as anyone can remember, except maybe the first generation of Aldur's disciples. Silk used to be in love with his aunt, but now he's married to the niece of the head of Drasnian Intelligence, Margravaine Liselle, also known as Velvet. He once killed 12 people in two nights because one of his friends was murdered. He also threw a guy over a mile-high cliff in Cthol Murgos. Did I mention that Silk doesn't really mind killing people? But aside from all that, he's a spy. He's probably the best spy Drasnian Intelligence ever had, and they know everything. On his first job in the field, he knew things Javelin, head of Drasnian Intelligence, didn't even know yet. Silk was once considered for being regent to the king of Drasnia (his cousin), but that was only for a couple seconds. He personally knows the kings (and sometimes the queens) of Riva, Drasnia, Algaria, Cherek, Cthol Murgos (duh!), Mallorea, Gar Og Nadrak, and Tolnedra, and also has met the kings of Arendia and Thulldom. Garion, king of Riva, once had the power to give Silk a 50% chance at being a god, but wisely decided to choose someone more innocent. Silk has seen all of the gods and witnessed the death of Torak, old god of the Angaraks. He also met Eriond, the new god of the Angaraks, a long time before he became a god, and spent a lot of time with him. But don't take all this like Silk is a bad person. He works for what the Alorns feel is the good Prophecy. It probably is, too, since the other Prophecy has its priests cut out people's hearts, while they're still alive, then burn the body in a pit and sacrifice the heart on an altar. And Silk does have some morals. When he owned every bean in Mallorea, an eunuch tried to get him to transport drugs, but he wouldn't." Stephanie paused for a moment to catch her breath and was interrupted by Andy.  
  
"Enough already! That's more than anyone ever needs to know about Silk!"  
  
Adrienne looked amused. "That was her idea of a condensed version," she said.  
  
"At least I kind of get what you're all talking about now," put in Aragorn optimistically. "Let's go over to those woods over there to cross the border."  
  
They all trotted over and started to cross over. About five minutes later, they had no idea where they were. "Which direction is this place we're trying to get to?" asked Boromir with a plan.  
  
"North," said Jill. "Why?"  
  
"Because we're going east." He sighed. "Come on, follow me."  
  
They started going in the right direction. Everything was going well. Jill and Aragorn were discussing various ways to track wild animals.  
  
"Those look like warg tracks," Aragorn was saying.  
  
"No," replied Jill. "We don't have wargs. Those look like wolver—"  
  
She was cut off by an ear-piercing shriek from Adrienne, Andy, Frodo, and Katie. They were being attacked by wolverines! The four scaredy-cats, pulling Jill, went and tried to hide behind everyone else. Andy had fallen off again during the screaming and ran to the middle of the circle that the weapon-bearers were making to keep the others safe. All those in the middle quickly dismounted as they could not control the horses in their horrorfied state.  
  
At the first movement of one of the beasts, Stephanie had thrown her knife straight into its heart. Legolas, Boromir, and Aragorn made short work of the rest. Soon all that remained were some dead carcasses.  
  
"Is it okay now?" said Adrienne in a small voice.  
  
"Yeah. I see you people don't have many experiences with wild animals around here," said Legolas.  
  
They all just shook their heads, deeply shaken.  
  
"It's all okay now," he said, putting his arm around Adrienne's shoulders, as she looked the most frightened of all the girls. (Frodo was more afraid, but Legolas didn't want any of them thinking he was that way.) He walked her back to her horse and helped her mount.  
  
"Hannon le," she said breathlessly. He smiled at her warmly and left her to return to his own steed. As everyone rode on, Jill and Katie came aside Adrienne.  
  
"We just wanted to let you know," said Jill, trying to remain calm, "that we hate you, and as soon as we part from these 'visitors', we're going to kill you."  
  
Strangely, Adrienne didn't say anything.  
  
"Don't you have anything to say?" hissed Katie.  
  
Adrienne stirred as though she just noticed them. "His hand felt good on my arm."  
  
Note: Adrienne's currently writing this, endangering her life. I hope you're enjoying it.  
  
"What?!?" they both exclaimed.  
  
"And Jessi was right," she continued dreamily. "Guys do smell good."  
  
The two jealous ones rode ahead to try to flirt with the golden- haired elf in question. Meanwhile, Adrienne just rode on placidly, thinking about how lucky she was. 


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
They had checked where the contest was being held and discovered that they had a few hours to burn, so Andy suggested that they visit the falls. Everyone not from Middle-Earth agreed that that was a good idea.  
  
"These waterfalls aren't that big," said Legolas. "The Falls of Anduin are much taller."  
  
"Well," said Adrienne, "they are the largest falls in North America."  
  
"Why is she licking the rocks?" asked Boromir, staring at Stephanie.  
  
Stephanie stopped for a moment. "I came here when I was really young, and my parents say that I kept licking the rocks. I wanted to see if they actually taste good, and they do." She continued with her licking, everyone staring at her.  
  
Everyone except Andy, that is. While everyone was distracted, he snuck up behind Boromir. Time to reenact the end of the first movie, he thought. And with that, he shoved Boromir over the cliff. Seeing him fall, Andy started laughing hysterically.  
  
Everyone watched him fall down and down towards the rocks. Suddenly, the cheese that had fallen in the river jumped into the air and Boromir luckily hit that before the rocks.  
  
Aragorn exploded. "Why did you do that?!?" he screamed at Andy. "He's the next-in-line-to-be-Steward-of-Gondor!"  
  
"But—it—was—funny!" Andy gasped.  
  
"Hey," Frodo interrupted, "how 'bout we jump down there and catch the cheesewheel back to Middle-Earth?"  
  
"Good idea," said Katie.  
  
"Actually," said Jill, "not a good idea. The rocks! It's a miracle she—I mean he—missed them! You might miss the cheese. And die."  
  
"And," added Adrienne, "it's about time to go to the contest."  
  
So they went back to downtown Niagra. 


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
"Oh no!" said Stephanie suddenly. "I left my knife in that wolverine! That was my favorite knife!"  
  
"Um..." said Andy nervously, "wasn't that your only knife?"  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know?" she replied mysteriously.  
  
"You got the thing about the knife from the Belgariad!" Adrienne accused.  
  
"So?"  
  
"Let's just hope that she doesn't have things in common with Silk that involve other fabrics," said Jill sarcastically. She and Adrienne looked at each other and burst out laughing.  
  
"Did I miss something?" asked Frodo.  
  
"They must have thought of some Carl thought," explained Katie. "It must be from some book I haven't read."  
  
Stephanie was outraged. "How many times have I told you not to associate Carl thoughts with Silk?!?" she yelled, lunging at Adrienne (she would never attack Master).  
  
Legolas grabbed her arm to stop her (they had been walking the horses). "Settle down," he said. "Settle down."  
  
Stephanie gave up. "But don't you dare do it again," she threatened.  
  
"I won't..." Adrienne replied mock-innocently.  
  
"Let's mount, we're almost there," said I highly confused Aragorn. As they entered the room where it was being held, riding the horses (Legolas had agreed to take Frodo and Aragorn had Andy), those already there gasped. The judges unanimously decided that Aragorn won for Aragorn, Frodo for Frodo, and Legolas for Legolas—along with Jill? Who knows.  
  
Andy had entered as Faramir, Adrienne as Éowyn, and Stephanie and Katie as Arwen. None of them one though. (They didn't really care, either.)  
  
The head judge made the announcement. "First place for Aragorn—Leroy (Aragorn). For Frodo—Jesse (Frodo). For Legolas—a tie between Larry (Legolas) and Jill Zewe. For..." He continued on, but none of those we're interested in heard them. They were all deafened by the loud eruption of screams emitted from Jill, Katie, and Adrienne. (They had changed the names temporarily so as not to seem like idiots.)  
  
"Oh my god! We're going to meet Orlando Bloom!" they screamed, jumping up and down like the crazy people they are. They finally shut up as the announcer finished announcing who had won what.  
  
"The prize is that you and a guest get to meet the star you look like." Once again, they screamed. He continued, "And now for the special surprise—drum-roll please." The drums played. "A set of the weapons used in the movie!" Everyone cheered.  
  
"Meeting Orlando Bloom is better though," yelled Katie over the noise.  
  
"Definitely!" Jill yelled back.  
  
"I'd prefer the weapons myself," said Stephanie as they left to go to the hotel that the stars were staying at.  
  
"Well, you're mental," barked Adrienne, nervous about meeting Orlando Bloom.  
  
"I don't have any problems about meeting Orlando Bloom," defended Stephanie. "But weapons are cool."  
  
"I don't understand," Aragorn said to Andy. "Who are we going to see?"  
  
"People who are really famous in this world," Andy replied, trying to explain. "In the movie The Lord of the Rings, they pretend they're you guys. Viggo Mortensen is you, Elijah Wood is Frodo, and Orlando Bloom is Legolas."  
  
"I take it there's some reason the girls are hyper-ventilating," put in Legolas, joining the conversation. "Why are they?"  
  
"All of them are completely obsessed with Orlando," Andy explained.  
  
"Because he played me in a movie?"  
  
"That's part of it." He didn't say anymore because he feared for his life.  
  
"We're here!" the crazed ones squealed in excitement. They entered the Hilton hotel and gave their passes to the man at the front desk. He told them to go to the penthouse, where "Mr. Bloom, Mr. Mortensen, and Mr. Wood" were staying.  
  
In the elevator, everyone once again freaked out. "Wait!" screamed Jill over the noise. "We have to at least appear calm."  
  
"And like we're not overly-obsessive," added Adrienne.  
  
"But not like we don't want to meet them," advised Katie.  
  
"Okay, we get the picture!" yelled Andy.  
  
The elevator stopped. "This is it," said Stephanie. They walked out of the elevator, actually looking very calm. They knocked on the door.  
  
"Hello," greeted Viggo Mortensen. "You must be the contest winners! Come in." Still calm.  
  
They walked in. They saw Orlando Bloom. No more calm.  
  
"Hello," said Orlando, as Viggo muted the TV.  
  
"Hi!" replied Stephanie, Andy, Aragorn, Legolas, and Frodo. Jill, Adrienne, and Katie kind of just stood there staring at him.  
  
Elijah Wood walked in. "Oh, hi," he said, seeing them.  
  
"Wait," said Aragorn. "You're telling me that guy played Frodo in a movie? He's like a foot and a half too tall!"  
  
"Um..." said Viggo.  
  
"It's okay," said Katie quickly. "He has a tendency to randomly explode like this."  
  
"That's...uh...interesting," commented Elijah. "Actually, we used a combination of size doubles and proportional changes to make me appear smaller in the movie."  
  
"Mille!" screamed Stephanie in anger. "Who would put Mille in a movie? Especially not Lord of the Rings!"  
  
"Is she another one who has random outburst?" queried Orlando.  
  
"Just about the word m-e. So it might be a good idea to try not to say it that much," warned Adrienne, coming out of her "trance".  
  
"You guys really wanted to win," Viggo was saying. "You really went all the way."  
  
"What?" said a confused hobbit. "I don't understand."  
  
"Well," said Elijah, "your costumes look really authentic. Where did you get them?"  
  
"E-Bay," said Jill, finally talking.  
  
"Of course. But you made them so realistic. I mean, the rips, tears, and fake blood stains almost make it seem like Leroy here was actually fighting orcs!" The 3 normal people laughed, the Pennsylvanians joined in nervously, and the others just kind of stood there looking confused.  
  
"And yours," said Orlando, indicating Legolas. "Your wig is fabulous! Or is that your real hair?"  
  
"It's my own," Legolas replied, further confused.  
  
"Cool. But what about the pointy ears? Those look more real than mind did!"  
  
"They are real!" cried Aragorn indignantly. "Why are you acting like he's not an elf?!?"  
  
Luckily, before anyone could say the words, "Elves don't exist," who should walk through the door but Keira Knightly.  
  
"Hey Orlando," she greeted, not noticing the suddenly murderous looks on the girls' faces. "Disney wants us to make another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Me and Johnny are in if you are."  
  
"Sure, why not?" he answered as Katie, Jill, and Adrienne unsheathed their plastic sporks of doom.  
  
"Attack!" yelled Katie, thrusting her spork into the air and charging forward. The other two followed suit, and then they were viciously attacking her with the sporks.  
  
Of course, they were soon restrained. Viggo grabbed Katie's arm, who stopped beating Keira immediately and ripped herself away from him.  
  
Legolas, thinking that some kind of madness had befallen his new friends, seized both of Jill's arms. She struggled for a few more seconds, and then gave up, although she made no move to remove herself from his grip.  
  
Orlando had restrained the most violent one, Adrienne, by holding on to both her arms and pulling her toward him, away from Keira. Adrienne kept putting up a terrific fight. This was partly because she really wanted to kill the wretched one, but partly because, even in her unspeakable rage, she realized that it was Orlando. The longer she fought, she reasoned, the longer and tighter he would hold her.  
  
Keira didn't look that phased by this. "I'll call you, Orlando," she said, leaving. Adrienne finally stopped.  
  
"Sorry about that," said Adrienne, looking up at his gorgeous face. "I don't know what came over us," she lied.  
  
"I think I do," Elijah gasped. He had been doubled-up laughing the entire time.  
  
"Actually, it happens all the time," said Orlando. He realized he still had a grip on Adrienne's arm and let her go. (Legolas was still holding on to Jill.) "Keira was telling me that ever since Pirates of the Caribbean came out, she's been getting attacked by random teenage girls."  
  
"I wonder why?" gasped Elijah, tears of mirth now forming in his eyes.  
  
"Shut up!" said both Frodo and Orlando. Orlando obviously wanted Elijah to stop talking about how millions of girls were completely in love with him, but no one got how Frodo was concerned.  
  
"Please," complained the midget. "I'm trying to hear what these little people in this box are saying."  
  
"Um..." said Viggo, "I muted it when you guys came in." He picked up the remote and turned the sound back on.  
  
"Ack!" screamed Frodo, who had had his ear pressed against the speaker.  
  
A field reporter came on screen. "I'm here, in New York City, where a giant cheesewheel is causing havoc. All attempts made to stop the cheese have been futile. Nothing seems to be able to stop it. Any living thing it touches seems to be sucked into it. Anything forcefully propelled into it, such as bullets, seems to suffer the same fate. No one is quite sure how to handle this menace. The mayor has declared a state of emergency and has ordered an evacuation. Don't come to New Yor—" As they watched, a cheesewheel hit the reporter and she disappeared.  
  
"I think we should go to 'New York City'," Legolas whispered in Jill's ear. "Wherever that is." Jill nodded, though she was reluctant to leave. (He was still holding on to her.) "Well, we'd better leave," he said so everyone could hear him. (He finally let go of Jill.)  
  
"Oh. Okay," said Viggo. "Well it was—er—nice meeting you all." He shook everybody's hand.  
  
"Yeah, it was great," said Elijah, hugging everyone. Adrienne, Jill, and Katie smiled, hugging him back. Katie was thinking Oh my god! Kathy would kill me right now!  
  
"We had an—interesting—time," said Orlando. He shook all the guys' hands. Then he hugged Katie. She lost her mind, and put her hands on his butt. Then he hugged Adrienne, and she hugged him back, really, really, really tightly. Then he hugged Jill; Orlando had trouble getting her to let go. Stephanie got one, too. As everyone started to leave, they noticed that Adrienne, Katie, and Jill were frozen there with an "Oh my god!" look on their faces. Elijah once again started laughing.  
  
"You're lucky you didn't kill them in shock!" he said between laughs.  
  
"You hugged them!" he replied heatedly.  
  
"Yea, but I'm not Orlando Bloom!"  
  
"Oh, shut up!"  
  
Andy and Stephanie dragged the three of them out of the room. As they reached the parking spaces where they had tied up the horses, the shocked ones finally talked.  
  
"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" they shrieked in excitement. "Oh my god!"  
  
"Um..." said Legolas, slightly confused. (Okay, more than slightly.) The oh-my-gods continued.  
  
"Settle down, settle down," said Andy. The oh-my-gods continued, with the speakers now jumping up and down with glee and disbelief.  
  
Frodo spontaneously waved at someone in an upper-storey window. (Oh- my-gods continue.) "Who was that?" asked Aragorn. (Oh-my-gods.)  
  
"Orlando and Elijah are looking at us out of the window."  
  
"Wow! How did a midget like you see way up there?" (Okay, a little off the topic there, Aragorn.)  
  
Suddenly everyone noticed that the oh-my-gods had stopped when Frodo said that Orlando and Elijah were watching. Shyly and meekly the girls waved up at those in the window. As they watched, Orlando punched Elijah, who had been shaking with what they assumed was laughter.  
  
"Do you think we should go back up there?" asked Legolas in concern.  
  
"That would probably only make matters worse," replied Stephanie.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I think maybe we should find that cheese," said Katie, eager to get out of there without further embarrassment.  
  
Legolas helped them all mount heir horses. (Katie didn't really need help, but she didn't tell him that; it paid off when his hand accidentally hit her butt.) Frodo rode again with Legolas and Aragorn took Andy. 


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
  
They had ridden for a few hours and then they entered downtown Manhattan. It didn't take long to find the object of their search: they just went in the opposite direction of the people that were screaming in terror were running. They dismounted when they saw the cheese at the end of the street they were on. The horses ran away after the crowd. They headed towards the cheese.  
  
"Wait!" said Legolas suddenly, grabbing Jill's arm. "Come with us!"  
  
"What?" said Jill.  
  
"Come with us to Middle-Earth!"  
  
"Legolas," said Aragorn, "it's not really that safe back home right now. Are you sure it's a good idea to bring random people from a different universe there at this time?" Everyone gave Aragorn an evil look then turned on Legolas with Frodo eyes.  
  
"It doesn't seem that safe here either, though," said Legolas. "They'll be better off with people like us to protect them, even if it is more dangerous." They continued arguing, but didn't notice the cheesewheel steadily heading towards the group. The closer it got, the faster it moved. Andy quickly turned around, although he didn't know why. He tried to cry out a warning, but he was hit before he could make a sound. It then went on to hit all of them. After it hit Frodo, the last person it disappeared from New York forever! 


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
  
It was a normal day. (Déjà vu, anyone?) Well, at least normal for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After all, it is a school of magic. With all the secret passages, moving staircases, talking pictures, and trick steps, no day at Hogwarts was ever boring.  
  
The fifth-year Gryffindors were in Defense against the Dark Arts class, all of them losing their minds. Harry decided he hated Umbridge more than he hated any other teacher. Even Lockhart couldn't match it. Nor Quirrel. Not even Crouch, if you could cont him. Even his utter hatred for Snape could not match his absolute and total loathing for this frog-faced servant of Hell. Harry's attention was abruptly brought back to the demon at the front of the room.  
  
"Potter!" she barked. "What's with that nasty look on your face?" Harry realized all too late that he had not been able to keep the look of contempt from marring his features. "Ten points from Gryffindor!"  
  
Luckily the bell rang at that moment, so only Harry heard Ron swear on his left.  
  
"Ten points!" he exploded in the safety of the corridor. "For having a look on your face that said what everyone was thinking?"  
  
Harry didn't say anything. He knew better than to complain. He glanced down at the scabs on the back of his hand, which were finally beginning to heal, thanks to the essence of murlap. Suddenly, Hermione screamed.  
  
Harry quickly looked up and saw what had frightened her. Five people, four girls and a guy, wearing American-type muggle clothes, had randomly appeared directly in front of them. One of them fainted.  
  
"Wait!" said one of the blondes in sudden anguish. "Where's Legolas?"  
  
"It's okay, Jill," said the other blonde brightly, though she also seemed sad. "Look where we are! Hi, Harry! Hi, Hermione! Hi, Ron!"  
  
No one was really surprised by the fact that she knew Harry's name, but they weren't quite sure how she had known the other two's names. Ron spontaneously decided he had finally become as famous as Harry.  
  
"I'm famous! I'm famous! I'm famous!" he squealed in joy, sounding like Spongebob in the morning.  
  
"Ron," said Hermione, "just because one random person knows your name, doesn't mean that you're suddenly famous. First of all, she knew my name, too." Ron gave her a look that plainly said just how disgusted he was with her. She ignored him and continued. "What I want to know is how they got here."  
  
"It seemed to me," said Harry, "that they Apparated."  
  
Hermione groaned. "How many timed do I have to tell you?" she said in an exasperated voice. "You can't Apparate or Disapparate on Hogwarts grounds?"  
  
"Oh," said Harry. "Right. Then how did you get here?"  
  
"We got hit by a magic cheesewheel that seems to transport people to random different universes," said the still-conscious brunette. "I'm Silk, by the way. This is Adrienne," she pointed to the crazy blonde, "Jill," she pointed to the depressed blonde, "Andy," she pointed to the guy, "and Katie," she finished, indicating the unconscious girl with her foot.  
  
"Oookay..." said Harry. "Er, should we take her to the hospital wing or something?"  
  
"Oh, she'll be fine," said Andy. "She's just lactose-intolerant." At that point, Katie woke up. She stood and blinked several times, observing her surroundings.  
  
"No!" she wailed in anguish. "I hate this world! Why couldn't we just go to Middle-Earth?"  
  
"What is she talking about?" asked Ron, looking as if he had just seen a spider.  
  
"In our universe," Jill explained, "you're in a book series. I've read it about 50 times," she added.  
  
"Wait, hold on, I'm in a book?" Ron stood with his mouth gaping open.  
  
"Well, five actually," said Adrienne.  
  
"Six if you count Magical Creatures and Where to Find Them," added Stephanie.  
  
"And she plans to write at least two more," put in Andy.  
  
Ron was in shock. "So I am famous!" he finally concluded.  
  
"But only in their Universe," argued Hermione. "Not like Harry is here." They all stood there for a few seconds until Ron's stomach growled.  
  
"Let's go to dinner," he said, trying to make things seem normal. (Any attempt of that at this point would be utterly futile.)  
  
"Dinner sounds great," said Andy. "But we don't exactly fit in around here," he added, indicating his clothes.  
  
"Oh, right. Well how are we going to fix that?"  
  
"We could get some spare robes from the laundry," said Jill.  
  
"How do you know that?" asked Harry in surprise.  
  
"That's what you did in your second year when you took the Polyjuice Potion to turn into Crabbe and Goyle."  
  
"How do you know about that?" asked Ron incredulously.  
  
"It's all in the books," said Stephanie. "Here, let me show you." She took her backpack off and started to look through it.  
  
"You've been carrying all five Harry Potter books around this whole time?" asked Katie, stunned.  
  
"'Harry Potter books'?" repeated Harry in a dazed voice.  
  
"That's what we call them," explained Adrienne. "How old are you, by the way?" She shot Stephanie a warning glance so she didn't show them anything they shouldn't see.  
  
"Fifteen," said Harry, curious on how that mattered.  
  
"Okay," said Jill, taking the 5th book from Stephi. She opened it to the front.  
  
Harry read aloud: "'The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, square houses of Privet Drive.' Oh my god! This is about when Dudley and I got attacked, isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah," said Adrienne, while Harry flipped ahead.  
  
"Er, why is this such a big book if so many pages are blank?" asked Ron.  
  
"What?" yelled the three HP-obsessed girls in horror, rushing forward and shoving the other three aside. A good deal of the book was indeed blank.  
  
"But why? Why are the words gone?" moaned Adrienne.  
  
"Wait a minute," said Stephanie. "Hermione, what month is it?"  
  
"September, but I don't see—"  
  
"That explains it. We're being interfered with. They aren't allowed to know what's going to happen, so the book doesn't go past what already occurred. If they knew what happens at the end..." she trailed off, not wanting to give anything away.  
  
"Wait," said Harry, "you know what's going to happen to us?"  
  
"Uh...yeah..." said Adrienne uncomfortably. "We know what'll happen to all of you until the end of this year."  
  
"What's going to happen?" asked Ron excitedly.  
  
"I know what's going to happen now," said Katie, causing everyone to look at her in surprise. "We're going to get some robes and go to dinner!"  
  
They followed the passages up to Gryffindor Tower. Jill, Stephanie, and Adrienne were excited out of their minds to see all the magical things; Andy was vaguely interested, Katie was hoping she would pass out again.  
  
"Mimbulus mimbletonia," said Hermione quickly before the Fat Lady could make a comment about their Muggle-dressed friends. "Come on!" said Hermione, trying to drag Adrienne up the staircase, acutely aware that Fred and George were watching them with interest. Fred sprang forward and grabbed Adrienne's free arm before they were three steps up.  
  
"What's this now?" he asked pulling them back down. "Who are you, and why are you dressed in Muggle clothes?"  
  
"I'm Adrienne, and I'm wearing Muggle clothes because I'm a Muggle, I think."  
  
"You think you're a Muggle?" asked George.  
  
"Well, I'm not quite sure."  
  
"She's crazier than usual," whispered Katie to Andy.  
  
"What else is new?"  
  
Spontaneously, a random passing Joey rolled down the boys' staircase. "Hi, Adie!" he said. "Hi, Silk-a-Silk! Hi, Jill! Hi, Andy! Hi, Katie! Hi, Fred! Hi, George!" He did a double-take. "Whoa! Fred and George!" He accidentally stumbled into the fire at that point, but luckily he knocked a random jar of Floo powder into it and yelled out "Grimauld Place" so he disappeared.  
  
"That was odd," said Harry slowly. "How did that kid get in the tower?"  
  
"Who knows," said Ron. "Come on! I'm starving!"  
  
Everyone went up and the visitors changed into Hogwarts apparel. Then they went down to dinner with Fred and George.  
  
As they sat down at the Gryffindor table, they were introduced to those sitting nearby. Suddenly, Umbridge swooped down on them like a hawk on its prey.  
  
"Who are you?" she said sharply. No one said anything. They didn't think she'd believe them about the cheesewheel. "Five points from Gryffindor!"  
  
"For what?" asked Andy.  
  
"For not answering! I will be talking to Professor Dumbledore about this!" She stormed off.  
  
Hermione turned to explain and was surprised to see Adrienne and Jill positively shaking with suppressed rage. "What the...?" she said in amazement.  
  
"Give me a weapon!" muttered Jill. "I don't care what! Silk where're those weapons we won?" Stephanie mutely handed over the bag she was carrying them in. Jill ripped the bad open and looked inside fervently. "What?" she said. "This is just a bag of sticks!" She picked one up and felt unnatural warmth creep into her fingers. "These aren't just ordinary sticks! They're wands!" She temporarily forgot her sudden blood lust and stared in awe at her new wand. Everyone took a wand and had the same experience.  
  
"So I guess you aren't Muggles then, are you," said George, grinning in amazement.  
  
"Great! Now I can go kill that hundin!" said Jill, getting up from the table.  
  
"No!" said Hermione, stepping in front of her.  
  
"Hermione," pleaded Ron, "you can't really say you'd be all that disappointed if Umbridge died!"  
  
"Well, not exactly, but, still, you shouldn't just go around killing teachers!"  
  
"Fine," said Jill. "I'll just wait until May."  
  
"What makes you think I'll let you kill her in May?" asked Hermione skeptically.  
  
"Because," said Adrienne darkly, "something will happen that even you will believe is a good enough reason to kill her."  
  
"You sound like Trelawney!" complained Harry. "What next, going to predict someone's death?" he said hotly.  
  
Jill and Adrienne looked at each other and tears came to their eyes. "Hold on," said Ron slowly, "someone is going to die, aren't they?" They remained silent. "Who?"  
  
"Somebody," said Stephanie. Harry noticed that even she looked disturbed. "Somebody," she repeated, as if she was going to tell them, but Jill looked at her furiously so she stopped.  
  
"Come on," said Fred with a winning grin. "You can tell us."  
  
"No," said Andy, "we really can't."  
  
And then Umbridge was back. "Excuse me," she said in a sugary-sweet voice. "I would like you," she indicated the five Americans, "to come with me."  
  
Adrienne glanced at Harry, who nodded, before getting up to follow her. The others followed behind. Katie had to catch up to the group because she was mystified by one of the portraits and wouldn't stop poking it. Umbridge led them to a gargoyle. "Sugar Quill!" she almost shouted. "And you," she said with distaste of the Gryffindors, "will return to your common room immediately!" They all scampered as the gargoyle moved aside and then those remaining stepped onto the moving staircase, everyone looking around excitedly. At the top, Umbridge knocked on the door.  
  
"Come in," came Dumbledore's voice. Umbridge opened the door and stepped inside. Dumbledore looked up from his desk in surprise. "Delores!" he said. "Is there a problem?" Then he noticed those behind her.  
  
"Yes, there is a problem," she said in that same fake tone. "These children are not students of the school, yet I found them sitting at the Gryffindor table this evening. I was wondering if you knew anything about this." Adrienne noticed that a slight edge crept into her voice on "you".  
  
Dumbledore quickly surveyed them. "I see. Excuse me Dolores, but I would like to speak with them privately for a moment."  
  
"Professor Dumbledore!" The edge was definitely there now. "There is no reason you cannot say whatever needs to be said in front of me!"  
  
"I apologize, Dolores, but I am afraid that if there is more than one of us, we will intimidate these children and they may not tell us the whole truth."  
  
Umbridge realized that Dumbledore was right, though she became further infuriated. "Fine!" she spat. "But I expect you to tell me every word that is said here!" And with that she stormed out of the office. Dumbledore quickly put an Unperturbable Charm on the room.  
  
Katie immediately took out her wand and began poking Dumbledore. "Adrienne!" she wailed. "Why won't he explode?"  
  
"Maybe because you only have the powers of Parvati Patil, the fifth- year Gryffindor, except you don't know any spells," she replied.  
  
Dumbledore interrupted. "Please stop trying to explode me," he said quietly. Katie stopped immediately, although she looked a bit disappointed. "I would like to know exactly who you are."  
  
That wasn't exactly the best thing to say to this group. "My name's Adrienne Vollmer, but sometimes I think I'm Harry Potter, Lessa, Arwen Evenstar, Emmy, Chocolat Misu, Polgara, Elizabeth Swann, Madam Hisui, Judge Judy, Gollum, Lord Voldemort, Ruth, Agent Smilrond, Kalten, Dweia, Daeva, Ehlana, Mille (at this point Stephanie growled), the Orb of Aldur, Jack the Monkey, Ayla, the Great Earth Mother, Eleria, that-called-the-Vlagh, Koyuko, or a duck." (Note: This is Jessi's thought.)  
  
Dumbledore looked startled. "Let me get this right: You believe that occasionally you become people such as Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort?"  
  
Andy spoke up before Adrienne could say something completely convincing his alternate personality that the lot of them was completely insane. "It's just a game we play sometimes, but once in a while she takes it too far. I'm Andy Yunker, by the way, and when we play that game, I'm you, F'nor..." He went on to list all of the names he went by.  
  
"My name is Stephanie Leger," said Stephanie (did I really need to say that she said that?), "but I like to go by Silk." She left it at that.  
  
Jill went next. "The name my supposed 'parents' gave me is Jill Zewe. I also go by Fred Weasley, K'van, Legolas Greenleaf, Kahlua, Belgarion, the Voice of Prophecy, Kal Zakath of Mallorea, King Urgit of the Murgos, Taur Urgas, Yarblek, Prince Kheldar of Drasnia, Captain Jack Sparrow, Yaevgenni, Kou Urake, Anavel Gato, Sai Saici, Domon Kasshu, Riley O'Miley, Gene Starwind, Kenshin, Himura the Battosai, Shiro Amada, Terry Sanders Jr., Eledore Massis, Char Aznable, Yuri Kellamey, Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Chang Wufei, Quatra Rabarba Winner, Trowa Barton, Mille (interrupted by Stephanie's hiss), Master, Guru, Messenger, Sparhawk..." (There's a lot more, but at this point I'm sick of writing them.)  
  
"I'm just Katie Boehm."  
  
"I see," said Dumbledore. "I will assume that you know who I am. But I must ask you: where you come from, are witches, and wizards, and everyone else involved in such matters, are we all considered to exist only inside the imagination?" Seeing their nodding heads, he continued, "Perhaps in the form of a 'fantasy novel'?" They nodded even more vehemently. He paused for a moment. "Have any of you ever heard of a Miss Joann Kathleen Rowling?"  
  
At the sound of her name, Rowling stuck her head out of the door to an annex of the office. "Did you need something, Albus?" At this point, Stephanie, Jill, and Adrienne proceeded to lose their minds. Of course, this had already happened, but it's a figure of speech.  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. "From your expressions," he said, "you obviously know Jo. I suppose you come from the other Earth dimension?" They nodded dazedly. "Jo, maybe you should explain to them how you got here."  
  
Dumbledore turned to Rowling only to see her being attacked by a plastic spork. It was Katie, at it again. "Excuse me," said Rowling, "but why are you attacking me?"  
  
"Because you brought Harry Potter into our world!" Katie screamed in outrage, using her spork even more violently.  
  
At this point, Adrienne was extremely exasperated and becoming really sick of all the plastic silverware Katie had. Without thinking, she raised her wand (which contained a phoenix tail-feather, if anyone cares) and pointed it at Katie, saying in a loud, clear voice, "Accio spork!"  
  
Katie stopped moving as her "weapon" flew out of her hand to Adrienne, who caught it, stunned. Everyone turned to stare at her in amazement. Dumbledore chuckled. "How remarkable. It seems that you will have the same powers that Harry Potter has. Would you mind producing a Patronus to confirm this?"  
  
Adrienne raised her wand again. She brought the memory of when Orlando Bloom hugged her to the forefront of her mind, grinned, and proclaimed, "Expecto Patronum!" A silver stag erupted from her wand, galloped around the room, and disappeared when it came back to her.  
  
"There," said Dumbledore, satisfied. "So, if my theory holds true, then Silk (Stephanie grinned at being referred to as such) should have powers equal to those of Miss Hermione Granger; Jill should have Mr. Fred Weasley's powers; Katie should have Miss Parvati Patil's; and Andy should have powers equal to my own."  
  
"I am the most powerful wizard in the world!" declared Andy triumphantly.  
  
"But it would probably help if you knew a few more spells," said Rowling pointedly. "For instance, do any of you know the spell to unlock doors?"  
  
"Alohomora!" said Dumbledore, "but that is just a basic spell that even first years know. I think you all should join the fifth year Gryffindors, as that is whose power you most closely match. Adrienne, please follow Harry's schedule, Jill, you go with her—"  
  
"Shouldn't I go with the seventh years, Professor? I mean, Fred Weasley is a seventh year."  
  
"Yes, but you are all closer in age to fifth years. I believe that staying around too many seventh years would be an—er—unwholesome influence on you." Adrienne and Jill looked at each other and tried to keep a straight face. Of course, it didn't work. Dumbledore decided to ignore that and continued: "As I was saying, Adrienne, Jill, and Andy all go with Harry Potter—"  
  
"Hold on," interrupted Andy. "I'm at the same level as you, why am I even going to classes?"  
  
Dumbledore was becoming flustered. "You don't know any spells though! All the power in the world doesn't mean anything if you can't use it! Now, all of yo, except Silk, go with Harry Potter. Yes, I realize you have the talent of Parvati Patil," said Dumbledore before Katie even opened her mouth (she wasn't planning on it anyway), "but you seem to be completely clueless, so you should go with your friends. Besides, Miss Patil is in all of Mr. Potter's classes. Silk, you may choose whose schedule to follow, and may randomly pick who to go with to any given class. I just ask that you stay with either the others or Miss Hermione Granger. The girls will sleep in the fifth year Gryffindor girl dormitory, and Andy can stay with the boys. Do any of you have any questions?" They shook their heads. "Then you may all return to the Gryffindor common room."  
  
"Er—Professor?" said Adrienne nervously.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I do have a few questions. First of all, what are we supposed to tell people who ask us why we're here? Like, teachers and students and stuff."  
  
"Let's just say you're exchange students from Salem. That will also explain your accents."  
  
"Hey!" cried Katie indignantly. "You're the ones with the British accents!"  
  
"Ah, but I can tell all of you are from America. The Pittsburgh-area of southwestern Pennsylvania, if I am not mistaken."  
  
"Yeah," said Andy. "But I—um—have a question, too. Do we have to do homework?"  
  
"Only if you want to," he replied with a chuckle. "You will also be exempt from end-of-year exams and O.W.L.S., unless, of course, you want to take them."  
  
"Hope we're not here that long," said Jill quietly.  
  
"Don't you like it here?" asked Rowling curiously. "You seemed overly-excited originally."  
  
"Well...yeah..." said Adrienne, "but certain things will happen that we really don't want to be around for."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Things..." said Adrienne hesitantly.  
  
"Things that we would prefer not to talk about," said Stephanie hurriedly.  
  
"Well, everything will eventually become clear, I suppose," said Dumbledore. "Oh, and one last thing: as far as house points ad things like that go, you will be part of Gryffindor House. You seem to have a peculiar affinity for them anyway. How many people know who you really are?"  
  
"Just Ron, Harry, and Hermione," said Jill.  
  
"But those twins might figure something out," added Katie. Dumbledore looked quizzically towards Adrienne.  
  
"She means Fred and George Weasley," she explained.  
  
"Oh, yes," said Dumbledore with a twinkle in his eye. "You may tell them, then, but no one else. And tell all of them they are not to say anything about this. And please try to avoid Professor Umbridge while you are with us. Is there anything else you would like to say before you go?" He looked at each one of them in turn. "Anything at all?"  
  
"I do," said Andy. Adrienne was overcome with a feeling of dread. She had a nasty feeling she knew what he was going to say. "Is it rape if you like it?" Her fears confirmed, she walked right over to him and bitch- slapped him across the face. "What was that for?" he yelled in agony. "Professor Dumbledore, did you see that?"  
  
"See what?" replied Dumbledore innocently. He obviously believed that Andy deserved what he got. "Professor Umbridge will be getting restless. I'll have to think of something to tell her. You should all return to Gryffindor Tower. I will have the house-elves add the additional beds ("Humph!" said Hermione). Good-bye."  
  
As they hurried past Umbridge, they heard Dumbledore greet her. When they reached the corridor, Jill stopped. "How are we going to get back to the common room?"  
  
Stephanie laughed. "You must have forgotten. You have the Guide with you."  
  
Adrienne sighed and said, "I give up."  
  
"You did that a long time ago," teased Stephanie. Adrienne smacked herself over the head in reply. They all followed "the Guide" along the same path Hermione had led them before. Surprisingly, they made it to the Fat Lady without getting lost even once.  
  
"Er—what were those weird words Hermione said that made the portrait swing forward?" asked Andy.  
  
"Mimbulus mimbletonia!" exclaimed Stephanie (who was becoming more Silk-like by the minute) happily. The portrait didn't open.  
  
"Hey, the Fat Lady's not here," Adrienne noticed suddenly.  
  
"Now what are we going to do?" whined Katie.  
  
"I guess we'll just have to sit here and wait for someone to pass by," said Jill, plopping on the ground. Everyone followed her lead.  
  
They waited for a while, and Adrienne was just about to suggest that they bang on the portrait in case some prefect came by and reported them, when who should open the portrait hole from the inside but...Oliver Wood? Katie immediately exploded. "Hey," he smiled at them. "What are you doing out here?"  
  
"The Fat Lady's not here," explained Adrienne. Unlike the spork- wielder, Adrienne was unfazed by meeting only about the hundredth person that she had always wanted to meet. "But what are you doing here? You graduated two years ago. Why aren't you with the...the..."  
  
"Oh, well, we're on break for the weekend," he looked rueful that such a terrible tragedy should occur, "so I thought I'd visit Hogwarts and..." he trailed off.  
  
"And see how the Gryffindor team is doing without your guidance?" finished Fred, poking his grinning head through the portrait hole. "Here, why don't all of you come inside? It's almost after-hours."  
  
"Well, I'd better be going—" said Oliver quickly, seeing a crazy look come onto Katie's face.  
  
"Nonsense, Oliver, old boy," joked George, pulling him back inside. "It's Friday. You don't have to be back to the team until Monday. Stay for a while." Everyone was inside by now. Adrienne sat down on a couch and was joined by the twins. Oliver sat down on a love-seat and, to his great amusement, was followed by Katie, who was staring avidly at him. Everyone else just fell into whatever armchairs or couches they could find nearby.  
  
"What did Professor Dumbledore say?" asked Ron, but Jill shook her head with a meaningful look at Ginny, who had just joined them. Everyone introduced themselves to Ginny, and Adrienne was going to do the same to Oliver, but as she turned towards him, she noticed that he was otherwise engaged with Katherine. Adrienne sighed in disgust and turned away to continue the conversation they had been having.  
  
Eventually, everyone else went up to bed, and so did Ginny. Katie and Oliver were still busy with one another. Noting that Oliver probably wouldn't hear a word they said in his current state, Ron tried again: "So, what did Dumbledore say?"  
  
"He said we can stay!" announced Adrienne excitedly. "And we're temporary members of Gryffindor House!"  
  
"Excellent!" said Fred.  
  
"Er—what are you going to tell everyone?" asked Hermione. "I mean, are you going to stick with the cheese story or what?"  
  
"What do you mean, 'cheese story'?" exclaimed Adrienne in outrage. "Do you think that we'd lie to you? That's what really happened and that's what we told Dumbledore! He believed us, and that should be good enough for you!!!" She ended her tirade by glaring at each one of them in turn. They all looked frightened by her outburst. Even Oliver and Katie were staring at her in amazement.  
  
"S-sorry," Hermione apologized meekly. "I, I d-didn't know that y- you were t-telling the truth when you told us that. I thought it was just some story Silk made up off the top of her head."  
  
This statement was so funny that Adrienne fell back onto the couch laughing. When Fred asked what was so funny, she just laughed all the harder for their obliviousness. Jill and Stephi found it amusing, too, but Adrienne just lost control. She kept laughing for fully five minutes. Finally she wiped her leaking eyes and looked around at them.  
  
"Er—did we miss something?" asked George, a smile dancing in his eyes.  
  
"You'd have to understand Silk," answered Adrienne, still chuckling. Seeing them all shoot questioning glances at Stephanie, she expanded. "Her name isn't really Silk. (Here Stephanie looked overly disappointed.) It's just a nickname. It comes from other book series we like to read, the Belgariad and the Mallorean."  
  
"Oh," said Oliver, trying to understand. "So, who is this Silk person?" Stephanie grinned broadly and opened her backpack. Adrienne rolled her eyes in disgust. Stephi pulled out a tall stack of papers and gave one of them to everyone who had not been hit by a cheesewheel (as far as we know). Adrienne looked over Fred's shoulder at it.  
  
"Where in all the worlds did these come from?" she asked in shock, looking towards Stephanie.  
  
"To tell you the truth (a very ironic statement), I don't exactly know. I just had a feeling they would be in there."  
  
Hermione had finished reading the "Synopsis of Silk". "I think I understand now," she said, looking at Stephanie. "Anyway, back to the point—are you going to tell everyone the truth? People are going to want to know why you're here, not to mention that you'll have to explain those accents."  
  
NOTE: For anyone who really cares, the contents of "Synopsis of Silk" can be found at Silk's website. For a synopsis of the synopsis, see page 27 of this story.  
  
"What're yinz talking about?" exclaimed Andy. "You're the ones with the British accents!"  
  
"At least their accents aren't completely obnoxious like Joey and Adam's!" put in Adrienne.  
  
"Hey, I heard that!" proclaimed Adam Levine from a nearby portrait. He jumped out and ran over to them, gave Adrienne a Rylan hug, and then ran off into the distance screaming "Cheesegreens!"  
  
NOTE: That entire sequence was really random. It may not make sense to anyone except myself, but I felt an urge to write it. No, I don't feel like explaining, because I can't. No, I don't know what distance he ran into or what in the world cheesegreens are. You'd have to be a member of the ULI to understand.  
  
"How do all these people keep getting here?" burst out Harry. "And what are cheesegreens?"  
  
"For your first question," said Katie, "they probably got hit with one of the cheesewheels."  
  
"And for the second," interrupted Jill, "I never did get a straight answer from him on what those are supposed to be. Did you, Adie?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Probably just one of those random words he makes up," said Stephanie, clearly annoyed at his very existence.  
  
"Back to the point—" began Hermione firmly.  
  
"Was there ever a point?" teased Fred.  
  
"There's never a point to anything," said Stephanie with a significant look at Adrienne.  
  
"Anyway," yelled Hermione in exasperation, "what are you going to tell everyone?"  
  
"We're supposed to say that we're exchange students from Salem," explained Jill, finally giving Hermione an answer.  
  
"Ok," she replied simply. Everyone was glad to see that she was placated.  
  
"Well," said Oliver, looking at his watch, "I'd probably better be going."  
  
NOTE: One thing I've always wondered is why watches can work in Hogwarts while nothing else electric can. Somebody ask Rowling for me.  
  
"You don't have to go yet!" wailed Katie, pulling him back towards her.  
  
"Ya, I do. sorry, but my train leaves in less than an hour. I had a great time though." Then they were at it again. Fred made a gagging sound as Ron threw Hermione's Arithmancy book at Oliver's head. "Ow! Oh, well, bye then." And he climbed out of the portrait hole. Katie looked extremely put out.  
  
"We'd all better go to bed," said Hermione. "It's past one."  
  
They all suddenly felt very sleepy and everyone climbed their respective staircases.  
  
Lying in bed that night, everyone had weird dreams. (Nothing out of the ordinary for them.)  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Andy dreamt that they visited many other worlds, including Spoolner. On Spoolner, he saw two nearly-naked women. What they were wearing was made of leather. When they beat up this giant beast, it turned into a naked guy.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Jill continually dreamt of Legolas.  
  
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Katie just kept making out with Will Turner in her dream. Then she got slapped by Elizabeth Swann.  
  
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For once, Stephanie actually dreamed. She dreamt that she was fighting side-by-side with Silk. His blades were doing their deadly work, as were hers.  
  
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Adrienne dreamt that she awoke on a deserted island, Jack Sparrow at her side. He seemed to be sleeping off a bit of rum. She ran around the island doing her happy dance. When she returned, he had woken up. Need I say more?  
  
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Everyone one of them enjoyed that night way, WAY overly much. 


	13. Chapter 12

Okay, been a while since I updated. Sorry about that, but the first 11 chapters were all ready to put up when I started posting this. I had to type #12 still. And 13's not finished yet, so it may be a bit until I get that one up, as I'm also working on my not-so-crazy Harry Potter fic and my original fiction (that one really sucks in my opinion, but my friends seem to like it. Of course, they like this too, so I'm not sure they're that reliable.) Not to mention that it's SUMMER, and I seem to be busier than I am during school, which gives me yet another reason to wish I was still in school (Alas, 88 more days!) Okay, now finally to the story. As always, please review!

Disclaimer: Okay, okay, I don't own anything, this chapter mainly belongs to J.K. Rowling, though several other things get thrown in at odd places. Don't sue.  
  
Chapter 12  
  
The next day at breakfast, Jill, Adrienne, Katie, Andy, and Stephanie seemed occupied in their own thoughts. Considering how weird they had been the night before, Harry thought this very strange. "Why aren't you guys talking at all?" he finally asked, unable to stand it anymore.  
  
"Huh?" replied Adrienne, coming out of her trance. "Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about this dream I had last night." A dreamy smile slowly crept across her face as she reminisced once again.  
  
"You had a good dream, too?" asked Jill, quickly snapping out of it.  
  
"Ya, did you?"  
  
"Ya..." Jill trailed off. "What was yours about?"  
  
"What was yours about?"  
  
"I asked you first!"  
  
"Mine was about Will," interrupted Katie.  
  
"Turner?" asked Andy, taking a sudden interest in the conversation.  
  
"What other Will would Katie be dreaming about?" replied Stephanie sardonically.  
  
"What about Will?" asked Jill through clenched teeth.  
  
"We were making out—" Katie was interrupted by Adrienne slapping her across the face. "Ow! What did you do that for?"  
  
"I think that's just a bit obvious, Katherine."  
  
"Good point," she admitted. "Actually, I was just about to tell you that in my dream, Elizabeth came up to me and slapped me."  
  
"What are you all talking about?" asked Hermione.  
  
Adrienne opened up her bag. "What are you doing?" asked Andy suspiciously. She smirked at him and pulled out a beautiful, wonderful, amazingly gorgeous picture.  
  
"This is what we're talking about," she said, showing the picture of Will Turner to Hermione. (Of course she didn't actually give it to her. What did you expect?)  
  
"I understand," said Hermione simply.  
  
Jill eyed Adrienne's bag speculatively as she put the near-holy picture away. Adrienne noticed this. "Don't even think about it," she warned.  
  
"I was just wondering what else you have in there," Jill defended mock-innocently.  
  
"Yes," said Katie. "What is in there?"  
  
"Legolas, Will, Orlando Bloom, Frodo, Elijah Wood, Johnny Depp, Captain Jack Sparrow, and Aragorn pictures,—"  
  
"Why Aragorn?" interrupted Stephanie.  
  
"Cause I felt like it," replied Adrienne.  
  
"That bag looks too big to be just holding pictures..." prompted Ron.  
  
"It's got something else in it, too," said Adrienne mysteriously.  
  
"What is it?" asked Fred, wondering what kind of object could cause her to be so weird. (Random understatement.)  
  
"A portable DVD player!" she squealed in excitement. "And the DVD's of all three Lord of the Rings, extended of course, and Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Princess Bride, Aladdin, and Robin Hood!"  
  
NOTE: I have no clue how I got a portable DVD player (though I want one), or a copy of the Return of the King, but this is my story with my rules. They probably got there the same way the "Synopsis of Silk" got to Silk-a- Silk.  
  
NOTE ON THE NOTE: The name Silk-a-Silk will be explained in a later chapter. For now, just know that it's Stephanie.  
  
"What's a DVD?" chorused all four Weasleys present. (Ron, Fred, George, and Ginny, if anyone's lost track.) This was a bad thing to say.  
  
Those words made something terrible happen. Random. Passing. Kaitin. And the words of Kait were such: "DVD stands for Digital Video Disc." He stood there rather stupidly.  
  
"How the hell did you get here?!?" Adrienne, Katie, and Jill screamed, going into collective apoplexy. They couldn't believe that Kaiting could possibly be here, of all places, when they were having such a good time.  
  
In response to their question, he launched into a lengthy explanation about how he had been hit by "aged milk" and mysteriously appeared in a dungeon-like room. Here he had quickly become best friends with a pale, blond-haired boy.  
  
"Hold on," said Fred quickly, "what was the kid's name?"  
  
"Draco Malfoy," came a familiar drawl. "Do you know any other Slytherins that match my description?" Malfoy strutted into view, flanked as always by Crabbe and Goyle. He turned to Kaiting, intentionally blocking the others out of the conversation. "Kait, what're you doing talking to these Gryffindors?" He said the word as if they were a bit of slime on the bottom of his shoe. "I thought you were going to see Dumbledore."  
  
"I did. But I know these other kids, and those red-headed kids needed an explanation on something."  
  
While the conversation was taking place, Adrienne was staring intently at Kaiting's face. "Does something look different about Kait to you?" she whispered to Stephanie.  
  
"You mean how he looks about 15?" asked Stephanie. "You're so unobservant. You, myself, and Katie look about 15, Jill looks 16, and Andy looks ancient. I thought even you would have noticed the foot-long beard Andy sprouted over night."  
  
Adrienne decided to ignore that. "So we all look the same age as our characters?"  
  
"Your logic is infallible," the Silk-being replied dryly. Kait had left them. "Anyway, what WAS your dream about, Jill?"  
  
"Legolas."  
  
"Ah," said Adrienne as she showed a picture to Hermione by way of explanation.  
  
"That looks like Will," the young witch objected.  
  
"It's the same actor."  
  
"Oh. What was YOUR dream about?"  
  
"Um...er..." Adrienne glanced nervously at Jill. "Do you REALLY need to know?"  
  
"SHE may not," Jill growled, "But I do."  
  
"I just want to remind you that one does not have control over one's dreams. Island scene." She threw her hands up to ward off any blows.  
  
"What?!?" Jill exploded.  
  
"It's not my fault!"  
  
"Actually," interrupted Hermione, "dreams are a reflection of your subconscious, and that's influenced by your conscious mind." Adrienne glared at her, but she continued, determined to make her point. "Which is why no matter what Professor Trelawney says, you can't tell the future from your dreams. Unless, of course, you happen to be Harry Potter," she added hastily seeing the look on Harry's face.  
  
Ignoring the end, Jill triumphantly screamed "So it IS your fault!"  
  
"Wouldn't you think about the same thing?" Adrienne said, desperately seizing her only chance.  
  
"Well, yeah, I guess you have a point." She finally settled down. "Did anyone else have an unusual dream?"  
  
"I did," said Stephanie.  
  
"Oh my god!" exclaimed Adrienne. "You like never dream! What was it about?"  
  
"I was fighting with Silk," Silk-a-Silk shrugged.  
  
"Who won?" asked Ron curiously.  
  
"We did, of course."  
  
"She's losing it," George said sorrowfully, but his grin betrayed him. "Now she's referring to herself in the royal 'we' ".  
  
"I said I was fighting WITH Silk, not against him. We were on the same side."  
  
"Who were you fighting?" asked Jill.  
  
"They looked like how Murgos are supposed to look."  
  
"You're lucky Hettar wasn't around," Adrienne commented. "There wouldn't have been any left for you."  
  
"Did you have a weird dream, Andy?" Katie asked, struggling to steer the conversation back to something she could understand.  
  
"Yeah," he replied. "It was about Chocolat and Tira beating up Carrot."  
  
"Was Mille involved?" Stephanie asked threateningly.  
  
"N-no," Andy replied, wondering what she would to do to him if it HAD been involved somehow.  
  
"Ya know," commented Fred to no one in particular, "Silk has really bad grammar."  
  
"No," Adrienne disagreed. "Mille is pronounced m-e, but it's spelled M-i-l-l-e." (yay! Said Katie)  
  
"I take it she's not fond of this person?"  
  
"It's against my religion!" Stephanie screamed in outrage.  
  
"Mille's a transvestite," Andy explained as Jill attempted to calm Stephanie down and Adrienne rolled her eyes. "It's from a Japanese comic book. For some reason, Stephanie is oddly disturbed whenever it's mentioned."  
  
"I love Mille!" squealed Katie in delight. "I am Mille!" Adrienne once again rolled her eyes. Stephanie raised her wand, and Andy quickly disarmed her with Expelliarmus.  
  
"Okay, you guys are even crazier than I thought you were," George said. "That's great! Now there's even MORE crazy people at Hogwarts!"  
  
"I think we should go do something," mentioned Adrienne. "We've been at breakfast so long that the house-elves ("Humph!" said Hermione) will be sending lunch up before long."  
  
"Why don't we go to Hogsmeade?" suggested Ron.  
  
"Yeah! Let's go!" exclaimed Stephanie excitedly.  
  
"Is it a Hogsmeade weekend?" asked Jill.  
  
"Uh, yeah, of course," said a confused Harry. Stephanie's expression lessened slightly, but she still looked happy.  
  
"I think I remember Professor Dumbledore saying something about being allowed to go there," said Andy.  
  
So they all got ready to go.


	14. Chapter 13

Okay, another chapter up. It didn't take nearly as long as I had thought (less than a week), but you can't expect the next one for a while, and this time I'm serious, because I haven't even started it yet, and I need to go through the Order of the Pheonix and look for some more ideas. Only reason this one came so fast was that I was hit by sudden inspiration. (Not to mention I got really mad at the Dune book I'm reading at the moment, and had nothing better to do.) I'm going away for the weekend, so that's going to lengthen it a bit. I'll be able to research for this story while I'm gone, but no writing. Okay, well I better stop rambling and let you get on with the story. Please review!  
  
A note to those who actually know me in real life: This chapter contains things that NONE of you have read yet, so be happy and stop bothering me!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter, that belongs to J.K. Rowling. Also in this chapter, short references to things such as the Odyssey, Monty Pithon and the Holy Grail, Sorcerer Hunters, various works by David Eddings, and Dune occur, and I don't own any of that either, so don't sue me.  
  
Chapter 13  
  
Walking through Hogsmeade, Jill, Stephanie, and Adrienne looked around excitedly while Katie and Andy looked slightly confused. as soon as they had arrived, Fred and George had run off to Zonko's to check out the competition. When Ron asked where everyone wanted to go, Silk had suggested the Shrieking Shack.  
  
"Ya know," mentioned Ron, "it's really not quite as interesting knowing that it was never actually haunted."  
  
"Someone should report that to the Daily Prophet," said Fred, rejoining them.  
  
"And how would you explain that?" whispered Harry dangerously, rounding on him.  
  
"Well," said George, not catching the warning in Harry's voice, "Lupin and Siri—OH!" George looked properly abashed at his stupidity. "Right, we can't tell anyone about Snuffles."  
  
"Really genius?" said Adrienne oh so sarcastically. And, as usual, she took a bit too far. "Well, that's good to know. I was about to go call Rita Skeeter and tell her all about it. and I thought I'd throw in a bit about Voldemort (flinching from Hermione and the Weasleys) for good measure, and how—"  
  
"Okay, okay, shut up already, will you? I get your point!" said George hurriedly, making sure no one was near enough to hear her.  
  
"Oh, don't worry," she scoffed. "Nobody's going to hear!"  
  
At that moment, a crazy, brave-yet-stupid-looking man, dressed in ancient Greek attire, ran out of the Shrieking Shack. Ron ran over and tackled the man, holding him in place. "What is your name?" asked Fred.  
  
"Nohbdy," said the man. "Let me go! I'm on a quest!"  
  
"What is your quest?"  
  
Some other dude in armor ran out of the Shrieking Shack. "I seek the Holy Grail!" His armor was midevil-looking and he had a British accent. Of course, so did the people that belonged where they were.  
  
Odysseus then asked King Arthur a question of his own: "What is the average flight velocity of a migrating swallow?"  
  
"African or European?"  
  
"Uh...where's Africa and Europe?" yelled Odysseus as he flew away to land in the nearest canyon.  
  
"King Arthur, did you hear what we were talking about?" asked Jill. King Arthur was NOT Nohbdy.  
  
"Something about a quest, I thought. That is why I came out of that wreck anyway. Absolutely no fortifications!" He looked concerned. "It would never withstand a siege. Don't you have any common sense?"  
  
"Well," burst out Adrienne, "your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"  
  
"I'm sorry," said the king rather huffily, "but I can not assist you on your quest. I'm much too busy on my own quest. I seek the Holy Grail!" Then he ran off into the distance screaming "NEEP!"  
  
"Do weird things always happen around you people?" asked Harry.  
  
"You're one to talk," said Stephanie.  
  
"She has a point, Harry," agreed Hermione when he became flustered. "You have the same tendency to attract weird events."  
  
"But not THIS weird! People don't normally just appear out of thin air simply because I'm around!"  
  
"But people DO Apparate all the time," Jill contradicted. "And the time you got trapped by Voldemort (twitch) at the end of the Triwizard Tournament, he had all those Death Eaters Apparate just because you had arrived!"  
  
"Oh, shut up!" yelled Harry, storming off to Honeydukes. Ron hurried after him.  
  
"He's under a lot of pressure," Hermione told them, as much to reassure herself as the others. She looked anxiously in the direction he had run. "You know, with Malfoy letting on hints about Sirius at Platform 9¾." At this point, Fred and George became uncomfortable mumbled something about socks, and went off towards the main village.  
  
Rylan Collins came bounding out of the Shrieking Shack. "Did someone say 'sock'?" he asked suspiciously, eyeing their feet.  
  
"Rylan!" Adrienne exploded. "Now is NOT the time to talk about socks!" She sighed. "Why don't you go, oh, I don't know, crowbar Jessica or something?"  
  
"Crowbar!" He ran back into the Shrieking Shack.  
  
"How do you know all these people?" asked Hermione, finally distracted from Harry's moody behavior as they walked towards Honeydukes.  
  
"Well, that first boy who appeared in Gryffindor Tower was my little brother, Joey," explained Adrienne, resigned to the fact that he WAS related to her.  
  
"The other kid, who definitely needs to be klonked, was a random kid in our grade, Adam Levine," said Stephanie in disgust.  
  
"And I figured out that the crazy 'Nohbdy' was Odysseus from Greek mythology." She frowned in consternation. "But why was he speaking English?"  
  
"Athena probably helped him," Katie said, trying to actually be helpful.  
  
"Like the time she shielded him from an arrow!" said Stephanie.  
  
"I still think it was just Bhelliom protecting his Anakha," Adrienne argued stubbornly.  
  
Stephanie sighed, exasperated with her randomness. "Wrong she and he, idiot!" she said as she klonked her.  
  
"Hermione," said Andy, "you shouldn't hit Harry."  
  
"I've never hit Harry!" Hermione objected at the same time Stephanie said, "But Professor, he needed it!"  
  
"Well I suppose you're right," Andy conceded, responding to the name "Professor."  
  
"What are you talking about?" asked Hermione furiously.  
  
"Fred," asked "Harry", "why are there two Hermiones?"  
  
"I dunno," said "Fred" (Jill), just as Stephanie klonked Adrienne again.  
  
"You stupid midget! You shouldn't hit people taller than you!" Klonk. "DARLING!" Klonk. "Annamaria!" Klonk. "Kheldar, I'll stick you in a cave!" Klonk. "Do not hit God!" Klonk. "Talen, would you like me to break your nose, too?" Klonk. "Bunny!" Klonk. "Ow, Duncan, what did you do that for?" Klonk. "Thanks, Silk-a-Silk." Dodge another klonk. Stephanie grinned maliciously. "Come on, Silk-a-Silk," pleaded Adrienne. "We don't need ever MORE complications now, do we?" Stephanie finally stopped just as they reached Honeydukes.  
  
By this point, Hermione had given up trying to make sense of it all. I probably don't want to know anyway, she wisely thought to herself. "So, anyway," she managed to say, "who was that 'King Arthur' guy?"  
  
"Oh, him. He's from a movie, Monty Pithon and the Holy Grail," said Jill.  
  
"I've heard of those movies," said Harry. He seemed to have calm down a bit from when he ran off. Ron was with him. "Dudley loves them. I've never actually seen one though. Are they any good?" Everyone who HAD seen them nodded vigorously. And so it was that they entered Honeydukes excitedly yapping about newts, witches, hamsters, elderberries, the French, black-armmored knights, flesh wounds, coconuts, and swallows.  
  
Honeydukes was packed, as it always is when Hogwarts students are in Hogsmeade. The fifth years had, of course, long since gotten over the novelty of all the varieties of sweets there, but they enjoyed themselves, nonetheless. Adrienne, Andy, Jill, Katie, and Stephanie's money ahd somehow been changed into wizarding currency, so they were able to buy whatever they wanted. Adrienne's favorite was the sugar quill, while Andy preferred the Fizzing Whizbees. Katie liked Drooble's Best Bubble Gum. Jill thought that Chocolate Frogs were best, but Stephanie surprised them all by choosing Cockroach Clusters. When they finally emerged, the sky was starting to get dark.  
  
"We should probably be getting back to the castle soon," said Hermione.  
  
Harry checked his watch. "We still have time for a quick butterbeer. What do you say?"  
  
Everyone thought this was a top-notch idea, so they headed to the Three Broomsticks. Once inside, Fred and George had spotted Lee Jordan and ran off to talk to him. Ron went off, blushing, to get drinks, and the rest of them found two open tables and pushed them together, as there were so many of them. Ron returned bearing butterbeers, helped by Madam Rosmerta herself. She clucked her tongue disapprovingly at their creation. "You really shouldn't push the tables together. It's dangerous!" she reprimanded them.  
  
"Oh, lighten up, Madam Rosmerta," said Fred, dragging a chair over to join them.  
  
"Yeah," said George. "What's so dangerous about moving some tables and chairs?" As Madam Rosmerta walked away, torquoise heels, glittering, George stole the recently vacated chair of Justin Finch-Fletchey.  
  
"Hey!" said Ernie MacMillan, who was sitting at that table, along with Hannah Abbot. "That's Justin's chair!"  
  
"Really?" asked George mockingly. "I don't see his name on it anywhere."  
  
"I'm a prefect!" Ernie procaimed pompously. "I'll report you! I mean it!"  
  
"We're not on the school grounds, and in any case, I'm not breaking any rules. It's not like I dumped the kid out of his chair or something." At this, Ernie gave up and nicked another chair from a nearby table. As George scooted his chair closer to their own table, he saw Adrienne and Katie laughing uncontrollably. In fact, Adrienne fell out of her chair as he watched. "Did I miss something?" he asked, staring in amazement as Adrienne continued to shake with laughter on the floor.  
  
"The two of them have just become a victim of Irony," explained Stephanie, exasperated at the way of the worlds.  
  
The two girls settled down and Adrienne pulled herself back into her chair. "But which type of irony would it be?" she mused. "It's not verbal, and not exactly dramatic, nor situational. I'm so confused."  
  
"You're always confused," said Ms. Stonge, who just happened to be standing there. "Actually, this is a mix of dramatic and situational irony. It's dramatic because Fred, George, Madam Rosmerta, and Ernie had no clue that what they were doing was in the least bit amusing. It's also situatuional because the last thing anyone expected was for you to encounter a reflection of your everyday life here." Having said her piece, Stonge went off to finid the nearest Starbucks.  
  
"Our English teacher," said Katie, answering the Brits' unasked question.  
  
By this time, most of the Hogwarts students were making their way out of the Three Broomsticks and back to the castle. The group joined the loose flow. As they entered the grounds, a thought came to Harry.  
  
"You've read about everything that happens to us until we get off of Platform 9¾ at the end of the year, right?" he asked the visitors. When they nodded, he continued, "then how come you manage to look surprised all the time?"  
  
"Well, you see," said Stephanie, "the books don't say EVERYTHING that happens. That simply wouldn't be practical."  
  
"And," added Adrienne, "I think whoever's in charge of this whole crazy thing has been reading Alex's book."  
  
"Who's Alex?" asked Ron.  
  
"Never mind," interrupted Katie as they all walked through the great double dorrs and continued in to dinner. 


	15. Chapter 14

Wow, finally getting some more cheese online…it's been written for a while but someone finally convinced me to type it up…well here it goes! (and btw I do know the spell that I have them use is Japanese, but I have a fondness for the language at the moment and u really don't want to know why)

Disclaimer: no I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter, that's Rowling's thing. And I don't own Edward Scissorhands or Pirates of the Carribbean, or Johnny Depp (darn my luck there), nor Lord of the Rings.

**Chapter 14**

Nothing too exciting happened at dinner that night or at breakfast the next morning. As it was Sunday, everyone decided to go to Hogsmeade again, at Hermione's suggestion. On the way there, Jill realized what was going on. She pulled back the others and let Harry, Hermione, and Ron get a little ahead, for some reason actually trusting that Silk would get them there if they got separated. "You guys DO know where we're going, don't you?" she said as Andy looked anxiously ahead, not wanting to get too far away from Hermione.

"No," said Katie promptly.

"Of course YOU don't," Andy snapped. He was getting testier with the growing distance.

"André, do YOU know where we're going?" asked Andrée.

"Well, Andrée," André replied, "not actually. How am I supposed to? I don't read the books, and there's only 3 movies."

"Even if all the movies WERE made, it wouldn't do you any good." Adrienne scowled. "They'd probably make it Dumbledore's idea or something."

"Well," said Silk-a-Silk, "just make sure none of you do anything too stupid."

"Like what?" asked André.

"Don't say what's going to happen, don't laugh when they name it the D.A., and DON'T laugh when Marrietta Edgecomb signs her name to Hermione's list." She ignored André and glared at Andrée as if it was HER who had asked that stupid question.

When they finally got there, Adrienne actually managed not to do anything as stupid as what Stephanie had mentioned. Andy and Katie, however, who had no idea of the importance of these actions, laughed at both of the things they weren't supposed to. Adrienne couldn't stop herself from glaring evilly at Marietta and Cho the whole time, but so was Jill, and you could tell even the great Silk-a-Silk was having problems holding it in.

"Ok," said Harry, as they headed back towards the castle. "I'm glad that's over with."

No sooner had the words left his mouth than the cheese appeared, bowling out of the Forbidden Forest. Andy quickly grabbed Katie before she ran straight at it.

Hermione screamed. "What is tat thing?" asked Ron, horrified.

"The cheese, of course," said Andy. Adrienne's thoughts were jumbled: _Why did it have to come NOW? We've barely been here! Nothing all that Earth-shattering has happened yet. Jill hasn't at least maimed Umbridge yet! (Though dying is a better "reward" for her.) Why me? I haven't even met Sexy Beast, I mean Sirius Black. (Though the movie didn't do him justice. They could have at least used Viggo Mortensen. He's not completely ugly, not like the guy who they did use. Of course, they COULD have used Johnny Depp. I mean, he fits the description close enough, is about the right age, and is SO hott. Maybe even TOO hott for the part. But they could tone down his looks. They did it in _Edward Scissorhands_. Pity it wasn't a _Pirates of the Caribbean_ look-alike contest and we would have had Will and Jack with us, then we still would have met Orlando Bloom, but we also would have met Johnny Depp, not to mention Will and Jack themselves. But then we wouldn't have met Legolas, Aragorn, and Frodo, which wouldn't be cool. And then who in _Pirates_ would have created a giant cheesewheel? Not to mention the magic part. Unless you baked a coin into it or something.) What was I thinking about again?_ Adrienne finally became aware of what was going on.

First she noticed that Silk had had a sudden stroke of genius and was running in circles around the cheese so it spun to keep aiming at her. As she watched, Jill and Silk switched places since Silk was out of breath.

The second thing she noticed was Harry staring at her like she was completely insane. "What's the matter?" she asked.

"You…you…you…" He couldn't get the words out. Adrienne looked the question at Hermione, and noticed in the process that Stephanie was shaking her head and Jill was laughing hysterically.

"You just spent a few minutes ranting about Si—Snuffles." Hermione looked at her a bit oddly.

"Yes you did!" screamed Harry. "I did NOT need to hear that! Not to mention the fact that you yelled his name across the grounds and talked about MEETING him! You're lucky no one but us heard you!"

"I rather agree with her," Hermione randomly interjected.

"Of course you do," said Fred. "We all do."

"You think Snuffles is really hott?" asked Hermione, utterly confused.

"Er—no," said Ron, even more confused than Hermione. "Why, do you?" He looked rather threatening at the moment. So did Harry, for that matter. She didn't catch on though, and blithely went on.

"Well, he's not really THAT hott anymore. But at least Azkaban didn't rob him of ALL his natural good looks, and he's looking a lot better now that he's been out for a while. But if you look at a couple of old pictures of him, he is REALLY hott. If he went here every girl would be drooling over him."

"Okay, I DEFINITELY did not need to hear that!" exploded Harry.

"Anyway," said George, acting as if nothing had happened, "how are we going to keep you here?"

"I know!" said Ron, glad for the change of subject. "KAMARIMASITA!" All that succeeded in doing was making it speed up and finally catch Jill.

"All of you, RUN!" SHOULD Silk, running straight at the cheese. Adrienne followed, dragging Katie and Andy with her into the cheese. With that, it just disappeared.


End file.
